* She had a face on her, that'd make a freight train take a dirt road.
* I'm not going to see Twilight because I'm 30 years old and I'm a male.
* Sleeping is my new hobby. I excel.
* I'm wondering how much a Russian mail order bride costs... and does she come with her own dental plan?
* I have laryngitis and I'm trying to get my voice back, slowly but surely. I might need speech therapy to remember how to form words.
* I have completed my taxes. Just call me Ned Flanders
* The job hunt looks promising.. I'm waiting for call backs from the CIA, Koch Industries, and Denny's
* I'm staying in tonight. but the ladies keep callin'!
* I walked 4 miles tonight.. and as per Facebook protocol, I think I deserve public recognition and praise for doing that.
* I'm thinking about changing my name to Maurice.