Saturday, September 01, 2012

Highlights Of This Week's Democratic National Convention

Should be a great time. Here are a few of the many fun things on the schedule for the DNC this week:

Day One

* Lots of great speakers.. Including Sandra Fluke, Jenna Jameson, Bill Johnson (CEO of Trojan Condoms), Ron Jeremy, Anne White (Cosmo Sex editor) And many other Sexperts to help you with any problems you have going on in the bedroom or in the backs of cars on your college campus.

* An Interactive Educational Abortion Symposium -- See just how easy and painless it is for you to get rid of that little annoyance growing inside of you! Even if the baby is accidentally born alive during the procedure! Find out how much money you are going to save the Federal Government!!

* The Food Stamp Booth -- Get inside the flying food stamp machine and grab as many food stamps as you can in one minute!

* Condom balloon animals for the kids!

* Border Crossing 101 -- Where are the best weak spots on our southern border to cross a river undetected and find the nearest polling place to cast your vote!

*  The Sandra Fluke booth -- Only $49.99 to see this exhibit. (Still not sure what that is all about.)

Day Two

* Joe Biden booth -- We pay YOU $49.99 to come in and listen to Joe speak for a full ten minutes. *Must stay full 10 minutes to receive payment upon exit.

* Hillary Clinton Fashion And Make Up Tips -- This booth will teach you how to go from tired to inspired! Also.. Which Pantsuit is right for you?

* The Three Story Union-Built Rock Climbing Wall -- Good Luck!

* The Chevy Volt Car Raffle! 10 Dollars gets you 3 tickets for the Raffle, Will your name be called?? Actually, scratch that.. Only $5 dollars now gets you 10 tickets for the Raffle!...Okay, change of plans again.. Now everyone will receive 50 tickets to...Wait.. What's that? Okay I'm being told now that everyone who comes to the convention is just going to get a Chevy Volt.

Day Three

* Mystery Speaker -- Don't want to give away the surprise, but two words.. Stalin Hologram!

* Finally, see President Barack Obama read off a teleprompter, avoiding the word economy at all costs.

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