* Bees are disappearing all over the world. No one seems to be able to explain why. I can. They are all hiding in a massive hive in the forrest planning day and night, training from dusk till dawn, battle hungry. They are coming to sting all of our faces off.
* Always have a speech prepared in case you get asked to speak at a funeral. I have one in my wallet. Here's a preview: "My fellow mourners, we have come to say goodbye to _______. (He/She) was not a flashy person.. in fact I believe (he/she) would have wanted us to just go ahead and move on to the meal.. So, let's eat!" (Fist bump the casket on the way back to your seat.)
* Due to a shortage of pork, Denny's is discontinuing the popular Moons Over My Hammy meal. It has been replaced by a new dish called Waffle That Tastes Pretty Awful.