* The Sandusky sex abuse jury is trying to decide if having naked tickle fights with little boys in the shower constitutes sexual abuse. If I was a on the jury I would just be playing solitaire on my phone by now because it's clear that the dude is a nasty pervert that needs to go spend his remaining years behind bars, where they LOVE tickle fights.
* A critic in a popular magazine compared Radiohead with The Beatles. I think they sound like the Beatles if you took the Beatles and gave them frontal lobotomies, and then made them really ugly.
* Democrats hated Dick Cheney, they thought he was evil. After seeing who the democrats like in a vice president I figured out that they hate people who can form complete sentences, and they find it evil if you have contributed anything worthwhile to society besides receiving hair plugs.