Thursday, April 26, 2012

Undeniable Truths -- Updated

This is a rerun from many years ago, so several of them may be outdated since I wrote them. But they are still undeniable!

Based loosely on Rush Limbaugh's 30 undeniable truths.

* There is a God..He is all powerful.

* Wheat bread is so much better than white.

* If you are eating a mayonnaise sandwich right now at a table that has a NASCAR table cloth, you just might be a white trash redneck.

* No nation has ever taxed itself into prosperity.

* There is nothing more entertaining than watching a midget play Dance Dance Revolution. Go little man, Go!

* Hearing politicians tell us "we" can't "afford" a tax cut is like listening to a glutton tell you he can't "afford" a diet. In no other context do people talk about "paying for" money they don't have. I can't pay for your refusal to give me money because I need a yacht. -- Ann Coulter

* Each of us are standing in the palm of God's hand, most of us don't even realize that.

* Liberalism stems from ignorance

* Ronald Reagan is the best president of the 20th century.

* Attending Church is not optional for a Christian...according to the Bible.

* U2 recycles music.

* Abortion is murder.

* The hamburger is the single greatest food of all time.

* People who smoke are among the least brightest people on the earth.

* The ACLU is evil and will be the organization that sets the foundation for Christian persecution in America.

* American's are too fat...Hey, can someone hand me that twinkie?

* Rap music as a whole is terrible, country music as a whole is terrible. If and when the two meet Armageddon will commence.

* Homosexuality is a sin.

* Sam Cooke and Otis Redding own Usher and R. Kelly.

* Quentin Terintino is the most overrated film maker of our time.

* Adam Sandler hasn't made a funny movie since Happy Gilmore.

* Levi's Jeans, if worn for a week straight without being washed, will start to chafe.

* George W. Bush is the right man for the job, he will go down in the history books as one of the greats.

* We've finally given liberals a war against fundamentalism, and they don't want to fight it. They would, except it would put them on the same side as the United States. -- Ann Coulter

* Soy Chocolate Milk isn't half bad.

* Sticking your head out the side window of the space shuttle during reentry into the earth's atmosphere will kill you.

* Cleaning toilets is way easier and much more pleasant than cleaning windows.

* The Passion was one of the most beautifully made and truthful movies of all time.

* You could afford your house without your government - if it weren't for your government. -- Rush Limbaugh

* Michael Moore is having a triple with extra cheese from Wendy's right now.

* A warm chocolate chip cookie and a cold glass of milk is one of the greatest combinations of all time. It's the closest thing to heaven on earth that can be had.

* Barry White had himself a deep voice.

* Brian Regan is probably the funniest comedian ever. Tim B. can back me up on that one.

* Responsibility and hardship bring about maturity.

* Jesus Christ is our first, last, and only hope.

* Elvis was fat when he died.

Undeniable indeed!

Aaron S.

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