Friday, April 29, 2011

Fun Facts

* For her community service requirement it has been reported that Lindsay Lohan will teach acting classes at a homeless shelter. For the record the homeless have maybe a 1% chance of ever becoming actors while Lindsay has about a 85% chance of becoming homeless. So maybe they need to give her tips on how to pack a bindle.

* In an upcoming comic book Superman will renounce his U.S. citizenship. Isn't he from Krypton? I'm pretty sure he wasn't here legally anyway.

* Obama released his true birth certificate but refuses to release his college transcript records. The man stated that his qualifications for being president was that he ran a successful campaign. So even if he has all A's for his grades he still is about 1,000 times dumber than the press says he is. Raising taxes is not hard.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

There IS a God

And He did this because he loves us. Every detail was a symphony written for us. To show His Glory in spectacular fashion. God is a GOOD God!

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Violent Union Thugs 101

"Fascism IS Capitalism" "Destroy property... kill people's cats" All for a bigger paycheck and more benefits for ME.. screw everyone else...

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Fun Facts

* The McDonald's beatings continue. But hurry, it's only for a limited time!!

* I used to live downstairs from this chick named Luka that would NOT stop complaining.

* Earth Day is a joke. Did you know the founder of Earth Day murdered his girlfriend and she was found in a compost heap? Way to recycle!

Friday, April 22, 2011

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Tonight's TV Schedule

If only I had Tivo! I want to watch it all.

7pm Gay Pawn Shop Hunters
8pm The Repo Ladies
9pm Obesity Freak Show

7pm Queers Talking Fashion
8pm The Gay Decor Rodeo
9pm Still More Gay

7pm Vain, Whiny House Hunters
8pm Design On A Dime(By Dime We Mean $45,000)
9pm More Stuff You Could Never Afford

Discovery Channel:
7pm Midget Bigamists
8pm Hoarders: I've Got 23 Kids
9pm Extreme Garage Salers

7pm Totally Non-scripted Repo Show
8pm Absolutely Real Tow Truck Show
9pm We Swear.. Totally Real Unscripted Reality Cop Show

The History Channel:
7pm Hitler's Secret Bedroom Habits
8pm Hitler's Mysteries
9pm Random WWII Footage, Featuring Hitler

7pm Obama: Messiah or Superhero?
8pm The Ed Something or Other Show
9pm Who Are We Kidding? No One Is Watching At This Hour.

Sunday, April 17, 2011

Fun Facts

* I'm working on a totally unique romantic comedy script. It's boy meets girl... boy does something stupid to screw up the relationship...boy and girl go their separate ways.. then boy realizes he can't live without girl and he stops her just before she marries boy #2.. boy and girl live happily ever after. It's going to be unheard of and epic.

* Does the fact that 4 out of 5 new TV shows are about pawn shops say anything about Obama's economy?

* In an upcoming episode of Pawn Stars, Barack Obama brings in the liberty bell. He says "We won't be needing this anymore."

Friday, April 15, 2011

Tweets of the Week

Breaking News: Barney Frank arrested after attempting to perform the Heimlich maneuver on a man who wasn't choking...

They can't put Obama on Mount Rushmore, the Rock formation tested too weak to support the hollowing out of his head..

When you encounter somebody who likes U2, you repeatedly punch them until they stop liking U2. No exceptions.

Technology constantly re-evolves. I just lined my parakeets cage with Kindles. Second generation.

I am worried that the 12 guys sticking meat thermometers into the ground in my backyard are not actually scientists.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Carl Sagan Says You Are Needy And Weak For Believing In God

Carl betrays a fatal flaw. There is no God. We emerged from "microbes and muck". We "have NO evident purpose."
Yet Carl says we are failing because of our own arrogance. How in the world do you define arrogance if you are nothing but the product of "muck"? You are "nothing" yet somehow what we do would have any kind of significance whatsoever.. Don't think so Dr. Sagan.. you can't have your cake and eat it too..
If chance be the Father of all flesh,
disaster is his rainbow in the sky,
and when you hear

State of Emergency!
Sniper Kills Ten!
Troops on Rampage!
Whites go Looting!
Bomb Blasts School!
It is but the sound of man worshiping his maker. -- Steve Turner

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Rush Limbaugh's 35 Undeniable Truths

Once Again... Rush Limbaugh's 35 Undeniable Truths

I like to post this list maybe twice a year because I really think it deserves reading. Both sets are outdated now but they speak so closely as to what I believe to be true about politics and religion...
There is both an old and the newer revised addition. You can find them both here. This is the revised addition...

(All equally truthful: number 1 is not more or less important than 35.)

1. There is a distinct singular American culture - rugged individualism
and self-reliance - which made America great.
2. The vast majority of the rich in this country did not inherit their
wealth; they earned it. They are the country's achievers, producers,
and job creators.

3. No nation has ever taxed itself into prosperity.
4. Evidence refutes liberalism.
5. There is no such thing as a New Democrat.
6. The Earth's eco-system is not fragile.
7. Character matters; leadership descends from character.
8. The most beautiful thing about a tree is what you do with it after you
cut it down.

9. Ronald Reagan was the greatest president of the twentieth century.
10. The 1980s was not a decade of greed but a decade of prosperity; it was the longest period of peacetime growth in American history.
11. Abstinence prevents sexually transmitted disease and pregnancy -every time it's tried.
12. Condoms only work during the school year.
13. Poverty is not the root ("rut") cause of crime.
14. There's a simple way to solve the crime problem: obey the law; punish those who do not.
15. If you commit a crime, you are guilty.
16. Women should not be allowed on juries where the accused is a stud.
17. The way to improve our schools is not more money, but the
reintroduction of moral and spiritual values, as well as the four
"R's": reading, 'riting, 'rithmatic, and Rush.
18. I am not arrogant.
19. My first 35 Undeniable Truths are still undeniably true.
20. There is a God.
21. There is something wrong when critics say the problem with America is too much religion.
22. Morality is not defined by individual choice.
23. The only way liberals win national elections is by pretending they're
not liberals.
24. Feminism was established as to allow unattractive women easier access to the mainstream of society.
25. Follow the money. When somebody says, "It's not the money," it's
always the money.
26. Liberals attempt through judicial activism what they cannot win at the ballot box.
27. Using federal dollars as a measure, our cities have not been
neglected, but poisoned with welfare dependency funds.
28. Progress is not striving for economic justice or fairness, but
economic growth.
29. Liberals measure compassion by how many people are given welfare... Conservatives measure compassion by how many people no longer need it.
30. Compassion is no substitute for justice.
31. The culture war is between the winners and those who think they're
losers who want to become winners. The losers think the only way they
can become winners is by banding together all the losers and then
empowering a leader of the losers to make things right for them.
32. The Los Angeles riots were not caused by the Rodney King verdict. The Los Angeles riots were caused by rioters.
33. You could afford your house without your government - if it weren't
for your government.
34. Words mean things.
35. Too many Americans can't laugh at themselves anymore.

Sunday, April 10, 2011

Lightning Bolt

I decided I am going to quit my job, swear off women, and deodorant and embrace this new lifestyle...

Saturday, April 09, 2011

Undeniable Truths

* There is a God. He does not like what He sees going on with His creation right now.

* Nancy Grace needs to relax and maybe watch some old I Love Lucy reruns for a few months or so.

* Glenn Beck.. I'm a die-hard conservative but I find it very hard to stomach that guy. No real sadness to see him leave Fox News. All we need is Rush. He still is the king.

* We should respect our elders. However we should not let them anywhere near technology. Ninety year olds with cell phones is like watching Richard Simmons with a woman.. they don't know what to do with them.

Wednesday, April 06, 2011

Cat Fights Back Against Annoying Bird

When this cat finally has enough, he ends things his way. Pretty solid move by the skinny cat. Well played!

Tuesday, April 05, 2011

Fun Facts

* Some claim that evolution has caused us to evolve into an ever smarter species, but that doesn't explain how or why people still spend actual money to watch Wrestlemania on Pay-per-View every year.

* People are paying tens of thousands of dollars for 3D televisions. To me that's like paying $40 dollars for a bottle of water while your drowning in a crystal clear mountain lake.

* The family dog is credited with saving the life of a missing S.C. boy by keeping him warm through the night while he was lost in a wooded area behind the home. Meanwhile the family cat licked itself, yawned and was generally bored by the whole incident.

Sunday, April 03, 2011

Support Union Or Else...

The union is nothing more than straight up thugs. Here is proof...

Saturday, April 02, 2011

It's Time To Get Reacquainted With The Word "No"

Obama has a slogan, "Yes We Can". And they pride themselves on being the party of "yes". However where has "yes" gotten us? We just saw in Wisconsin how liberals will act when you tell them "no". Can you imagine how damaged you would be as an adult if all you ever heard as a kid was "yes"?
Can I have that toy? Yes. Can I stay over at my friends house? Yes. Can I play in the busy street? Yes. I want that kids bike, can I steal it? Yes? Can I play with that gun? Yes?? Can I have only candy corn to eat for every meal? Yes Yes Yes!

The democrats are a lot like children. They think the American dream is not only having what you want, but also not allowing your neighbors to have more than you. It is based in greed, want, and envy.
Conservatives seem to be okay with the fact that some people have more than they do. We are content in our surroundings whatever they may be, because we cherish relationships and God first. Money can't buy those things.
Well since the democrats are very immature and childlike in their thinking, I think it's time we get some adults in Washington who aren't afraid of being one-termers from the start. Sort of a kamikaze candidate. Someone whose one task it is to slap the pacifier out of the mouths of the American people and take the hit. It's really our only chance at ever turning around this country. We can't afford democrats anymore.. literally.

So let me help say "no" to some things now..

* Can we have a budget that allows us to not raise taxes but at the same time keep all the government programs without any cuts to our favorite entitlements? NO!

* Can we be free from any terrorist threat but at the same time be able to go through the gate at the airport without any hassle or inconvenience? NO!

* We realize that the state is going bankrupt however we want to be able to collectively bargain against the taxpayers dollars and have premium health care and benefits provided at no cost to us. NO!

* My car payment is too high, can the government help me with that? NO!

* My neighbor owns his own business and makes like $200,000 more than I do a year, I want some of his money, he has too much. NO!

* Fox News sometimes says things contrary to what the other "mainstream" media is saying. Can we have them taken off the air so that once again only one point of view is given by all news organizations? NO!

* When I call someone racist, I want the fact that I called them that be enough to deem them as a racist, regardless of whether or not they actually are racist. Is that cool? NO!

* Can I have unemployment for just one more year, or until Days Of Our Lives goes off the air.. Please!? NO!

So you see.. "No" isn't so bad!