Tuesday, February 09, 2010

The Best Phil Hendrie Show Quotes

Here's another installment of my favorite quotes, and interviews from the greatest radio show in the history of the world..

Warning, the first few here by Steve Bosell are kinda gross(But hilarious!)..

Phil Hendrie: "Alright, who are you suing?"
Steve Bosell: "Well, you say that in a sarcastic way..."
Phil: "C'mon, who are you suing, 'cause I know you must be suing somebody."
Steve: "You assume I'm suing someone?"
Phil: "Are you?"
Steve: "*pause* I am, yeah, but you assume..."
Phil: "Alright, who are you suing?"
Steve: "Well, right now I'm suing Blast-Off Entertainment, they're the ones that provided the fireworks, and Corona Community College. Also directors Oliver Stone and Steven Spielberg. Also, my attorney is planning on suing the Hanes Corporation. I lost control of my bowels and the Hanes underwear I was wearing failed to keep it in. I'm also considering a lawsuit against the Del Taco Corporation for serving me food that came out as diarrhea, otherwise if it came out better, then the Hanes could've kept it in. Also, the Corona Community College Parking Administration. We had to walk a quarter of a mile away from the grandstand area, so as we walked back, there was a diarrhea trail leading behind me and little kids laughed at me. Also, my wife; I was very distressed and needed a hug. She wasn't supportive of me..."
Phil: "She didn't give you a...well, you probably smelled like crap."
Steve: "She wasn't there for me."
Phil: "You crapped in your pants?"
Steve: "'Crap' is not really the word for it; crap is solid."

Steve Bosell: (About Jay Leno) He's a strange man. He's a strange man with strange cars. He'll dri-drive down the street waving at you behind the wheel of a Stanley Steamer. He-he's a-a strange man.

Steve Bosell: Oh, okay, so sticking my head in the oven isn't bad enough, you guys want me to turn it up to broil.

A good one with guest Clara Bingham..

(Clara was asked to give up her bus seat for a white man)
Phil: But, it was a handicapped seat that someone needed...
Clara: I don't care, Phil, if it was a handicapped man. I don't care if it was a man on a pallet board with no legs. I don't care if it was someone whose colostomy bag was leaking. You do not tell a black woman to move off a bus seat no more, not in America. You can do that in China. You can do that in Tasmania or some parts of Estonia. You can do it in Scotland. You can do it in Guatemala. Not in America.

Ok these next few are when Phil does his parody of Coast to Coast with Art Bell which is a real show on the air (Now with George Noory) that is about paranormal, mind control and UFO sightings and things.. It's a serious show that mostly has paranoid callers.. Phil's parody of the show is spot on and hilarious. On his parody he is almost every time interviewing a fictitious General named General Johnson Jameson...

Art Bell: You know that certain things have been happening. I have had certain unexplained events near my bunker complex in Nevada and what I'm about to say to you is a culmination of all of it - the unexplained phenomenon, the migraine headaches, the voices, seeing things moving through my room at night, dark shapes forming out of the desert sand, dark broodings, mysterious noises, aliens, Area 51, anal probing.

Art: General Jameson, you'll have to pardon me, but I was drinking some of the goblin juice you sent me via the mail, and, uh..
Gen. Jameson: Did it make you invisible?
Art: I'm... I'm fascinated, let me just put it that way General Jameson.

Art: How is your rocketship powered?
Gen. Jameson: By potatoes.
Art: Mmm-hmm. Fascinating.

Gen. Jameson: Now, with the Mars Orbiter, obviously something happened
Art: Did what happen...happen?
Gen. Jameson: Yes it did.
Art: Fascinating. Fascinating. Fascinating. And the government won't tell us what happened?
Gen. Jameson: I've been on the phone all afternoon trying to call Tip O'Neil, President Clinton and President Nixon, and none of them have returned my calls because they know that I know what they know.

And finally one of my favorite guests, Raj Fahneen who is a Middle Eastern American who comes on and spends his whole time berating Americans for being overweight..

Raj Fahneen: The Asian people feed the Blacks pork food so they can beat them in war.

Raj: The Americans, they do not know about their own Constitution. Most of them could not tell you what the Bill of Rights is. But ask the American piggy where the McDonald's is and he can tell you. Ask him what the #2 is at McDonald's and he can tell you.
Phil: Isn't it the cheeseburger?
Raj: See, there you go.

And my all time favorite...Raj singing his song about America:
Saw an American, four Big Macs,
stuck 'em in his face and that's a fact.
Oh yeeeeeah, uh-huuuuuuh, oh yeeeeeah, uh-huuuuuuh.
Well, I got a burrito at Taco Bell,
I'll eat it 'til I pop, come Heaven or Hell.
Oh yeeeeeah, uh-huuuuuuh, oh yeeeeeah, uh-huuuuuuh
Well, I am an American, I super-size,
yes, I'll have another 10-pound box of fries.
oh yeeeeeah, uh-huuuuuuh, oh yeeeeeah, uh-huuuuuuh
All Americans are big fat hogs,
they eat a Big Mac and shoot out a log.
Oh yeeeeeah, uh-huuuuuuh, oh yeeeeeah, uh-huuuuuuh

1 comment:

Matthew Avitabile said...

Oh yeah?

Well I was surrounded by Moe Howard haircuts