Sunday, February 28, 2010

How The Obama/McCain Exchange Should Have Gone

PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA: Let me just make this point, John. Because we're not campaigning anymore. The election is over.

SENATOR JOHN MCCAIN: I'm reminded of that every day. In fact Mr. President, not only is the last election over, but so is the next one.

OBAMA: Uh.. My teleprompter is not telling me what to say or else I would have a really good come back. Just remember that I'm the President and you are just a mere Senator.

MCCAIN: That's true. But keep in mind that after 2012 I will probably still have a job and you will be out building houses with Jimmy Carter and working on your Facebook fan page. And we know having a job in this community organizer economy is like being able to crap gold.

OBAMA: Uh...OK, Unfortunately I have to bring this meeting to an end because I just remembered some paperwork I was supposed to get done. Everyone is dismissed. (Quietly sobs)

Saturday, February 27, 2010

Fun Facts: PETA Edition

* A turtle shell, hollowed, scraped, and cleaned does NOT make a good cereal bowl. However it is perfect for holding jelly beans on your office desk.

* To be perfectly honest tuna with tiny bits of dolphin has a much zestier taste.

* Free range chickens get to walk around outside before they got slaughtered for my Chicken McNuggets. But I like the ones that are crammed into a cage for their whole life because I don't like the snobby, pretentious chickens.. I like a Chicken who has done hard time.

Thursday, February 25, 2010

The Cool Report

Notice this "cool report" has no title.. that's because it's coolness is timeless. It's one of the few singers and songs I never ever tire of. Sam Cooke is near and dear to my heart and this song is the very definition of soul.. and of cool...

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Scott Brown = The Next John McCain?

He claimed he was going to go in and change the way Washington works. Instead Scott Brown, who was elected last month to take over the seat formerly held by Teddy Kennedy, went in and almost immediately voted with democrats on a liberal jobs bill that even democrats admit is not going to do much. And as usual there is pork packed into the bill. Democrats are praising him for his vote. I don't believe that Scott Brown ever claimed to be an uber-conservative or anything like that, however, this is hardly anything other than business as usual in Washington. It's a do-nothing bill, passed by elitist snobs who are only trying to get reelected and couldn't give a rip about the actual progress of economy or the Constitution.
This is just like John McCain.. He is a conservative when he needs to be, but his voting record and his comments speak otherwise.
We need someone to go into Washington who is a true conservative, who believes in the military going over and dismantling our enemies, and who isn't going to stick his finger in the air to test which way the wind is blowing before he or she votes.

Monday, February 22, 2010

The Cool Report: Deftones, Root

The Deftones changed how I listened to music. This change took place in 1996 and it's been cool ever since!

Friday, February 19, 2010

Fun Facts

* It's going to be hard to watch Tiger golf again. We're just going to have way to many awkward moments when the commentator says stuff like "Tiger tees up his ball and gets out his wood." Golf is such an innocent sport, but now it will filled with innuendo and giggling.

* When I go to the gym and a 40 year old woman next to me is working out much harder than I am it emasculates me and makes me feel like less of a man.... well to be honest my spandex tights and purple ankle weights don't help much either.

* I hate when my foot falls asleep during the day, because then I know it's going to be up all night.

Monday, February 15, 2010

The Cool Report: Windows Phone 7 Series

The Windows Phone 7 Series is set to blow the iPhone out of the water. It's epically cool! Here's what a site called Gizmodo says:
Windows Phone 7 snuck up on the world today, but having played with it, I'll tell you Microsoft is putting all it's muscle behind this. No matter who you root for, to be anything short of impressed is stupid.

How does it feel? Nothing like an iPhone, for starters. The slippery, rotate-y screens may take a little getting used to, but they feel right. Microsoft deliberately wanted to get away from icons and this notion that all behaviors get the same size button on the home screen, and you definitely get more of a sense of priorities here: Entertainment, social networking, photo sharing—those matter, and oh yeah, here's a phone if you need a call, and here's a browser if you need that too.

It's hard to tell from looking at this stuff, but much of it is customizable, including almost everything on that home screen. Don't let the uniformity of design language fool you, there will be a lot you can do to differentiate from other people....

I may have to invest in one because my ZuneHD runs off the same system that the Windows Phone will and my ZuneHD is amazing. Cool.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

The Cool Report: Roots Bloody Roots

After I listen to Mark Levin everyday, I realize how angry the current government is making me.. and so I have to bust out some Sepultura (I know it says Soulfly, but really it's Sepultura) with Roots Bloody Roots so I can vent. Very cool...

Tuesday, February 09, 2010

The Best Phil Hendrie Show Quotes

Here's another installment of my favorite quotes, and interviews from the greatest radio show in the history of the world..

Warning, the first few here by Steve Bosell are kinda gross(But hilarious!)..

Phil Hendrie: "Alright, who are you suing?"
Steve Bosell: "Well, you say that in a sarcastic way..."
Phil: "C'mon, who are you suing, 'cause I know you must be suing somebody."
Steve: "You assume I'm suing someone?"
Phil: "Are you?"
Steve: "*pause* I am, yeah, but you assume..."
Phil: "Alright, who are you suing?"
Steve: "Well, right now I'm suing Blast-Off Entertainment, they're the ones that provided the fireworks, and Corona Community College. Also directors Oliver Stone and Steven Spielberg. Also, my attorney is planning on suing the Hanes Corporation. I lost control of my bowels and the Hanes underwear I was wearing failed to keep it in. I'm also considering a lawsuit against the Del Taco Corporation for serving me food that came out as diarrhea, otherwise if it came out better, then the Hanes could've kept it in. Also, the Corona Community College Parking Administration. We had to walk a quarter of a mile away from the grandstand area, so as we walked back, there was a diarrhea trail leading behind me and little kids laughed at me. Also, my wife; I was very distressed and needed a hug. She wasn't supportive of me..."
Phil: "She didn't give you a...well, you probably smelled like crap."
Steve: "She wasn't there for me."
Phil: "You crapped in your pants?"
Steve: "'Crap' is not really the word for it; crap is solid."

Steve Bosell: (About Jay Leno) He's a strange man. He's a strange man with strange cars. He'll dri-drive down the street waving at you behind the wheel of a Stanley Steamer. He-he's a-a strange man.

Steve Bosell: Oh, okay, so sticking my head in the oven isn't bad enough, you guys want me to turn it up to broil.

A good one with guest Clara Bingham..

(Clara was asked to give up her bus seat for a white man)
Phil: But, it was a handicapped seat that someone needed...
Clara: I don't care, Phil, if it was a handicapped man. I don't care if it was a man on a pallet board with no legs. I don't care if it was someone whose colostomy bag was leaking. You do not tell a black woman to move off a bus seat no more, not in America. You can do that in China. You can do that in Tasmania or some parts of Estonia. You can do it in Scotland. You can do it in Guatemala. Not in America.

Ok these next few are when Phil does his parody of Coast to Coast with Art Bell which is a real show on the air (Now with George Noory) that is about paranormal, mind control and UFO sightings and things.. It's a serious show that mostly has paranoid callers.. Phil's parody of the show is spot on and hilarious. On his parody he is almost every time interviewing a fictitious General named General Johnson Jameson...

Art Bell: You know that certain things have been happening. I have had certain unexplained events near my bunker complex in Nevada and what I'm about to say to you is a culmination of all of it - the unexplained phenomenon, the migraine headaches, the voices, seeing things moving through my room at night, dark shapes forming out of the desert sand, dark broodings, mysterious noises, aliens, Area 51, anal probing.

Art: General Jameson, you'll have to pardon me, but I was drinking some of the goblin juice you sent me via the mail, and, uh..
Gen. Jameson: Did it make you invisible?
Art: I'm... I'm fascinated, let me just put it that way General Jameson.

Art: How is your rocketship powered?
Gen. Jameson: By potatoes.
Art: Mmm-hmm. Fascinating.

Gen. Jameson: Now, with the Mars Orbiter, obviously something happened
Art: Did what happen...happen?
Gen. Jameson: Yes it did.
Art: Fascinating. Fascinating. Fascinating. And the government won't tell us what happened?
Gen. Jameson: I've been on the phone all afternoon trying to call Tip O'Neil, President Clinton and President Nixon, and none of them have returned my calls because they know that I know what they know.

And finally one of my favorite guests, Raj Fahneen who is a Middle Eastern American who comes on and spends his whole time berating Americans for being overweight..

Raj Fahneen: The Asian people feed the Blacks pork food so they can beat them in war.

Raj: The Americans, they do not know about their own Constitution. Most of them could not tell you what the Bill of Rights is. But ask the American piggy where the McDonald's is and he can tell you. Ask him what the #2 is at McDonald's and he can tell you.
Phil: Isn't it the cheeseburger?
Raj: See, there you go.

And my all time favorite...Raj singing his song about America:
Saw an American, four Big Macs,
stuck 'em in his face and that's a fact.
Oh yeeeeeah, uh-huuuuuuh, oh yeeeeeah, uh-huuuuuuh.
Well, I got a burrito at Taco Bell,
I'll eat it 'til I pop, come Heaven or Hell.
Oh yeeeeeah, uh-huuuuuuh, oh yeeeeeah, uh-huuuuuuh
Well, I am an American, I super-size,
yes, I'll have another 10-pound box of fries.
oh yeeeeeah, uh-huuuuuuh, oh yeeeeeah, uh-huuuuuuh
All Americans are big fat hogs,
they eat a Big Mac and shoot out a log.
Oh yeeeeeah, uh-huuuuuuh, oh yeeeeeah, uh-huuuuuuh

Sunday, February 07, 2010

Obama Is Going To Pay For My Mortgage!

Remember this?

This is Peggy Joseph who revealed two things that got Obama elected. One was blatantly false. One is sadly true...
1. Obama is going to pay her gas and mortgage.
This speaks for itself.. However people actually believed this one! Remember that Liberals only get elected on lies. If they told the truth about what they were going to do once they got elected they'd be run out of town. Peggy Joseph was so excited about a socialist black man getting elected that she spewed out the infamous statements. And don't get me wrong. I want black people to be presidents, I want them to lead me and to guide me.. But like any other human being, no matter their color, they have to really care for their country. And they have to appreciate the sacrifice of people of all colors that led us to this greatness.
2. If she helps him, he's going to help her.
This is a scary but true fact about liberals. If you play ball, you can get special favors. I experienced this first hand when I briefly joined the union at my last job. The two months that I paid my union dues they would ask me how I was doing and if I needed anything. They invited me to go to special events.
Then they went on strike. I immediately left the union. I knew they were a bunch of liberals, but I didn't know the hate that was going to be spewed on me the second I left "the brotherhood". I crossed the picket line and that was all she wrote. One guy told me he "was going to be waiting by my car in the parking lot." (He never showed up, which is another liberal trait...all talk) I had just started with the company yet I was a "heartless loser scab." I made so many enemies even though most of them I didn't work with, or had even spoken to. Some of them still don't talk to me if I ever see them. And long story short.. the union stayed on strike for almost 4 weeks, and the minor minor addition to their benefits that they received in the final outcome of the contract negotiation equaled a tiny fraction of the pay they lost in those 4 weeks on strike. It was hilarious. They were screaming "victory" because as one guy told me "the strike was only about a principal anyway." Funny how the landlord still wants to evict me when I go to pay my rent with my "principal".
The point is that liberals will tell you they will help you, as long as you think like them, act like them, and bend to their will. They will take you down with them, but at least you'll go down together.
So in conclusion, the lady in the video was half right. Hey 50% isn't too bad!

Saturday, February 06, 2010

The Cool Report: The KRISS Super V

If you need to enter a room with guns a-blazin.. This is the ultimate cool weapon to get the job done...

Friday, February 05, 2010

The Not-So-Slow Death Of The Free Market

United States gross federal annual spending fr...Image via Wikipedia

After World War II America was victorious and suddenly blessed with unprecedented growth. Unregulated Capitalism and democracy are the root cause of that growth. Since that time the vice has been clamped securely in place and the sky is falling. I had a deep conversation with several liberals this week and they told me that no matter what Barack Obama does, they would vote for him again. According to them George W. Bush is to blame for the current crisis because of his evil plan of "massive deregulation".
If only it were true that Bush deregulated corporations and businesses! You see the whole idea that Bush did this is a massive lie. In fact regulations grew under Bush.
That being said, Bush was no fiscal conservative, but he certainly didn't have his eyes set on regulating on a grand scale like our current president. Let's face it.. Under Bush the government didn't "own" any car companies. All of this took place in the one year under Obama.
That was year one. He has 3 more years to go after corporations, health care, and even small businesses. He is not interested in reform of these institutions, he is a wrecking ball, here to destroy America from within.
Something will eventually give. In Massachusetts we saw what happens when you start imposing governmental will on the American people.. I'm pretty sure that if democrats are left to do whatever they want by 2012 they will have a revolution on their hands.

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Thursday, February 04, 2010

A New Look

I change it up around here every once in a while so that my 3 readers will get some new scenery. I decided to go simple for a while. It matches my life.

UPDATE: Nevermind, new scenery is not really my style anyway.

Wednesday, February 03, 2010

The Uncool Report: The iPad

Steve Jobs from Apple always comes out and makes it sound like he's about to announce the cure for cancer. This week he came out to announce the iPad which is Apples new "tablet". Why is it uncool? It's a basically just a either a big iPod or a small Notebook. Supposedly it's going to make watching movies or reading books much easier than just having an iPod. The problem is that most people that would buy this thing already have a laptop which would do all of that. If their laptop is too big to take somewhere then they probably aren't going to go with something just slightly smaller then their laptop. They will probably go with something that fits in the palm of their hand, like an iPod.
So for all the fanfare that Steve Jobs put us through last week he really didn't show us anything new at all. It seems to me like not every single idea they come out with needs breaking news press coverage. I really think Microsoft and Apple are so bent on trying to one-up each other that they have lost sight of innovation. And even more annoying are customers who are so loyal to one or the other that they will commit wholesale murder if you mention why you prefer one over the other.
All I really need is a Sony Walkman and my Zubaz pants!

Tuesday, February 02, 2010

Seven Reasons Why I Am A Christian

1. The main reason I am a Christian is because Christ chose me to be His follower. The faith in my heart to believe in Him as savior comes from His pursuit of my life. Even though I choose to follow Him, He chose me first.

2. Grace. I can think of no other god who gives grace like Christ. Most other faiths involve trying to be good in order to gain favor. I couldn't possibly be good enough to gain anything from Him, I live only by His grace.

3. The stars. Have you ever laid down in a field outside the city lights and looked up into the sky? You can see God if you do, I promise. It will take your breath away. And then you stop to think that out there is endless space. We can't find the end of it. In fact all we see with our best telescopes are billions of galaxies that each have billions of stars in them. I can't even begin to fathom that. Even harder for me to fathom is how someone can look at that and see an accident.

4. The Bible. The past few years I have rediscovered the Bible. God didn't just leave us His Word, He left us a masterpiece. It is history, geography, songs, poems, guidance, prophecy, truth, and some of the greatest true stories ever written down. The Old Testament alone is better than any novel. The New Testament is the best icing on the cake I've ever tasted.

5. Church. Everyone loves to hate on church. In fact the new Christian movement is to try to make church feel like you are at a coffee shop. They disguise it to try to become like the world. But I go to church to step out of the world, if not only for a couple of hours. Church to me is home. And even though I miss a few Sundays here and there, I will never stop going. It's the start and finish to my week, it's where I worship, it's where my family and friends are.

6. Suffering. Joel Osteen wants you to have your best life now. However Christ is waiting to reward you with your greatest life later. Now is the time where we are invited, as a gift, yes I said gift, to suffer with Him so that we can show the world that even in our suffering the Lord is still first in our life. Too many Christians fall into the trap of believing that they somehow get a pass on hardship because they got on God's good side by believing in Him. When in fact He will put you through the fire, sometimes even worse, once you become a believer. If for a second you start to believe that being a Christian means you will live a rich, happy, fun, healthy good life.. please see Paul, Peter, Stephen, and John the Baptist and there you will find the answer. But remember to take heart, because in your suffering as a Christian you will find unspeakable joy and the peace that passes understanding.

7. The alternative is unlivable. If outspoken atheists like Christopher Hitchens and Richard Dawkins are right then the only question I have is why haven't we all committed mass suicide. There is nothing, we are nothing, we pass into nothing. Keep in mind if that is true, then Hitler didn't really do anything. Klebold and Harris didn't do anything. Pol Pot didn't do anything. If we start out as nothing, and we end up as nothing, then you cannot say that for some reason the in between is something.
The God of the Bible IS the answer to why we are here, who we are, and where we are going. I am a Christian because I am something. And I am something because He made me that way. It's so simple that Dawkins and Hitchens wrote it off and inserted themselves as their own god. And what a lousy god at that.
We serve a great God. He was, He is, and He will be!