Sunday, November 08, 2009

Obamacare Passes House: What's In The New Health Care Bill?

I have looked at the bill, examined it, and here are some of what we can expect..

* All prescription medications can now only available for pick up at a centrally located state-run pharmacy in Petersburg, Ohio. There is only one pick up window but do not worry because there are plans to add a drive up window by 2016.

* Obese Americans can apply for special consideration that they are technically two people and should be given a tax break as such.

* Medical doctors, now being owned by the state, must attend a mandatory timeshare seminar once a year.

* There will indeed be a death panel. Some of the members of the panel will include Charles Rangel, Nancy Pelosi, and Barbra Streisand.

* Barbra Streisand has opted to change the lyrics of her song "People" to better reflect her new role on the death panel. Some of the new lyrics include.. "Grandmas...grandmas who need chemo.. will be some of the unluckiest people in the world.."

* McDonald's, Burger King, and Wendy's are corporations that make your children want to eat their food by making it taste good. They are to be shut down for the good of the people. Mayor McCheese will be given a new state position as Czar McSalad.

* Canadians who previously came down here for superior health care are out of luck, but according to the bill they are welcome to stay and have their health treatments decided by our new death panel.

* Why, just fifty years ago, they thought a disease like your daughter's was caused by demonic possession or witchcraft. But nowadays we know that Isabelle is suffering from an imbalance of bodily humors, perhaps caused by a toad or a small dwarf living in her stomach.

Utopia has arrived!!


Matthew Avitabile said...

Man, I hope that it includes a waiver for the Gitmo detainees.

Vince said...

Typical Right wing crap!

Aaroncoal said...

yeah.. that satire can be real crap. Sense of humor.. who needs it!