Wednesday, September 30, 2009

What If You Get The Flu?

Here are some tips to help you if you get the flu this year.**

* Do not go to work. It makes the rest of us look bad when you continue to work hard through your illness. Now somehow I'm a "wuss" because I call in sick when I get the sniffles.

* Do not try to lower your temperature if you get a fever. You don't want to miss out on some awesome delusional hallucinations.

* If you cough do not leave your mouth uncovered unless you are near that one jerk that works in accounting.

* If you start to feel nauseated make sure you eat some Fruity Pebbles. When that stuff comes back up you are going to see colors you never knew existed.

* Pour chicken soup directly into the toilet to save time.

* Do not clog the emergency rooms in your city if you have the simple flu. Symptoms of the simple flu include, sneezing, coughing, stuffy nose, pain in left arm, tightness in chest, seizures, vomiting blood, and loss of limbs. You'll be fine.

* Feed a cold. Starve a fever. Punch a rash.

* Putting cough syrup on pancakes saves time.


Hope that helps.

** Don't actually use these tips.

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