"There is one thing I would break up over and that is if she caught me with another woman. I wouldn't stand for that."
"I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?"
"First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down."
"Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives."
"I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper."