Friday, May 08, 2009

Reasons I Don't Attend The Wichita River Festival

A much needed rerun...

* Goth kids on skateboards hanging out underneath bridges just aren't my crowd.

* Weeks before the festival all the best tube tops from area stores are snatched up.

* I can sit around shirtless and eat funnel cakes at home thank you!

* Admiral Windwagon Smith shot my uncle.

* I hate getting hit in the head with randomly thrown frisbees

* Since everyone is downtown, it's a perfect day to rob trailer homes.

* Pronto Pups are just corndogs. You can get those anytime.

* The button costs $5 and I only have $3.50.

* 3 times more bodies are found floating in the river than usual during the River Festival.

* Hugs from unlicensed clowns.

* That carnival they set up has traveling carnies. Most traveling carnies are on the sexual predator list.

* Hacky sacking smelly hippies.

* I feel like I'm invading all the hobo's homes.

Stay home and avoid viruses, puking, funnel cakes, bad parking, possible death, and scabies.

1 comment:

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