I got the quotes from hendriepedia.com
Ted Bell --
Ted's was the first steak restaurant to bake potatoes in aluminum foil.
Phil, I have a private jet. He's standing there telling this girl he flies first class... I'm Ted Bell. I have a private jet. He's not impressing anybody
I'm sorry, Phil, I've got an emergency. We have a baked potato festival coming up on Sunday.
Lloyd Bonafide --
Okay, That tears it!
I'll run over the top of you and every member of your family.
I'm going to slit my wrists with an electric can opener.
I'm sorry that I threw a cat at a man's head, but he tossed me a bone, and a man doesn't do that to a Korean War veteran.
You know what? You burn me up more than a baseball-sized hemorrhoid.
Steve Bosell --
(To a lady caller) The next time you meet a guy online, make sure you send a picture of how fat you are...
I'd like to say Roy Rogers would've given up Trigger for the western wedding outfit I had on.
Oh, okay, so sticking my head in the oven isn't bad enough, you guys want me to turn it up to broil.
I dont know if you've ever seen a coyote, but let me tell ya, its hard to hold your mud.
R.C. Collins --
She had a face on her, that'd make a freight train take a dirt road.
When it gets tough, I go to the rifle!
You can't expose me to the gayability.
Basic training just rolls off my knife!
Jeff Dowder --
(about Chinese eyes) I'm talking about the fact they have slits for eyes, man, all they see is net... their vertical vision is about an inch, but their horizontal vision-- it goes on and on and on, and on and on, and there's science to prove on it, too. For instance, you and me, we look at the world basically television shape, okay, the Chinese look at it: letterbox!