* Somali pirates are terrorizing ships off the coast of Africa. But instead of having parrots on their shoulders ruling the seven seas looking for ye booty... These pirates are saying phrases like "Rrrrrr matey... Allah be saying for you to give me yer stuff."
* I watch COPS sometimes and wonder where is MY torn wife beater shirt, where is MY old water heater laying in the yard, where is MY crack pipe that I can throw in the bushes when they start chasing me? I want my piece of the American dream!
* Socialism is going to be great under Obama! I mean the government takes over a quarter of my money now.. I can't WAIT to give even more to jobless deadbeats!