Thursday, October 04, 2007

A Wasp Story

This is based on a true story...

The following happens between 5:01 pm and 6:59 pm.

For the past 2 weeks there have been 2 wasps just hanging on the ceiling of my apartment complex hallway. They were alive but you could tell they were close to being dormant0. But a wasp is a wasp. They are mean, ugly, and further more, they are jerks. We don't mess with their nests, they don't come in to our apartment complexes. They are those we don't speak of.

I observed them from a distance. I felt that I needed to strike at them first but it needed to be when they least expected. They never would move unless I walked past them. I just knew they were biding their time to attack. I figured they knew they were dying and were looking to go out in a blaze of glory. I had some ideas of my own. Ideas of wasp torture. Maybe some waterboarding to see if one of them would talk.

Finally I summoned the courage to get a closer look. They moved more as I got closer so I backed off. I decided to suck it up and move in for the attack. I had some bug spray in my apartment. I went in and grabbed it and came out and took an offensive stance.

I sprayed Wasp #1. Wasp #1 got very very angry and decided to make a buzzing noise that caused me to run and hide in my apartment. I came out a few minutes later to find him on the ground obviously struggling to continue but with no strength left.

several minutes later I returned for wasp #2. I sprayed wasp #2 and he just sat there for a second. And then he too got ticked off and he made a lunge at me. I jumped back. My heart was beating a mile a minute. Luckily wasp #2 fell before he could reach me. I moved in for the kill.

I felt avenged. So I began to move into my apartment when I heard a tiny buzz behind me. I slowly turned to see Wasp #1 still alive. He was looking right into my eyes. Suddenly he pulled up his stinger and looked at me and I could swear I heard him say...
"You killed my brother, you die now!"
He lunged at me and drove that stinger deep into my left shoulder. I fell to the floor. I heard his tiny wasp voice say
"It didn't have to be this way. We were just sitting there minding out own business. Why?"
The last thing I remember seeing before I passed out was the wasp flying off into the hallway light.

When I came to I got up and staggered around the hallway. Eventually I found the wasp that stung me over in the corner..dead. He had taken his own life.
I pointed at him and laughed...

I came in and had pork chops and applesauce. The point of the story is this old saying...I think I have it right.... Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on you again, fool me a third time and it's still your fault and in my opinion you need a time out.

Only about 14% of the preceding story was true.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Glad those evil wasps are history. You are hilarious. You should go into show business.