Thursday, August 30, 2007

11 Guys You'll Always Find Playing PickUp Basketball

I've watched enough pickup games to know that this video is dead on. It's also hilarious...

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

The End Is Coming

Can you feel it in the air? I feel like we are standing at the crossroads of the finale...The end of the world as we know it.
Now don't think what I am saying is some new revelation, Or that I ordered the entire first 8 seasons of the Jack Van Impe Show off of Ebay. No, The end has been coming since Jesus ascended to heaven.
But I feel like storms from the North, South, East, and the West are coming together and the beginning of the end is about to start. The wars have started and lines are being drawn. It is no longer an issue to openly spit at Christianity. "Radical" Islam is not going away...and it is not a nice religion. They have no problem with chopping off heads. Life isn't exactly sacred to them. That's not a good thing for the rest of us that take life as a precious gift.
You can read a newspaper on any given day and weep. Death is all around us. The only reason we haven't taken notice as much here is because we are Americans and it hasn't reached our soil on the level as it has in the middle east. But our time is coming...and guess what? We are unprepared. I am, I know that!

We as Christians need to be hitting the Bible daily and preparing for battle. What will we do when the gun is to our head? Will we fold like a cheap suit?

I pray that I stand my ground when that time comes. I want so much to be ready!

Andrew Schwabb said it best...we need "Martyrs not popular charts!"
I don't think he could be more right.
Until our churches start emphasising the importance of self sacrifice and stop acting like country clubs then we are going to be grossly unprepared for the days ahead.

I'm not prepared either so I need to heed my own always.

The good news is this....
"I have said all these things to you so that in me you may have peace. In the world you have trouble: but take heart! I have overcome the world." -- Jesus -- John 16:33

Sunday, August 26, 2007

Friday, August 24, 2007

Always Try To Avoid War...

But if you must, make sure you are on the side that has weapons like this...

Wow. God Bless America!!

Thursday, August 23, 2007

Jim Carey -- Mr. Bojangles

I have looked for this for years. I remember seeing it when I was little on a stand up special, and even though I barley knew who Sammy Davis Jr. was, I laughed till I cried. Love him or hate him, Jim Carey has talent....

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

True Stories*

"Are you sure you remembered to pack my nosespray?" I asked my mom for the third time.
We were an hour into the trip and all I could think about was my inflamed nostril canals.
"Yes, I got the industrial size at Sam's..I already told you this!" She said with disdain.
But I didn't care if I annoyed her a little because I wanted this trip to be nothing but pure joy.
My sister and I passed the time drawing lines down the middle seat that we weren't allowed to cross. This prevented us from bugging each other. "Except in the case of an emergency." I was quick to add.

Finally it was time to stop for breakfast. This usually involved a Sausage McMuffin at McDonalds. But this trip was special. So dad took us to Denny's.

As soon as we walked into Denny's I realized the place was packed. They didn't even have a table for the 4 of us to sit at. So we all sat at the lunch counter. Unfortunately at the time they didn't have 4 seats in a row so I sat way down the line by myself.
"What'll you have?" the waitress asked me. "Um, let's see, a bowl of Cheerios and a grapefruit wedge please." I remember saying.
As I put down the menu I realized there was a very tall black man sitting next to me reading the paper. As my eyes focused in, it became clear to me that it was Michael Jordan...Yes, the Michael Jordan!
"WOW, you're Michael Jordan." I said without hesitation.
"I am" he said back.
"So where are you headed?" I asked.
"Look," he said.. "I don't usually talk to fans as a general rule....But, I'm having a pretty good I'm headed to the Detroit Car Show."
I took a deep breath and tapped my leg. "Sweet! I'm headed to the Detroit Car Show!"
"Very cool." he said. "Enjoy your breakfast, nice to meet you." He added. And he got up folded his paper under his arm, left a tip for the waitress and headed out the door.
And all I could do was stare. It was quite an experience.
What were the chances that I run into Michael Jordan at Denny's and we both happen to be headed to a car show in Detroit?

This day was the best day of my young life so far? Or was it?

*That may or may not be true.

Sunday, August 19, 2007

More Undeniable Truths

* Hillary is not fit to be elected dog catcher much less President. We need a socialist in the White House like we need a frontal lobotomy.

* Jesus would encourage war if it meant that ultimately life would be preserved.

* Jazz music is one of those genres that most people only say they like because it makes them feel like they have some kind superiority in musical taste.

* The modern church is one of the last segregated institutions on earth.

* Applebees is bad food that costs the same as good food.

* The two smartest men doing talk radio today are Glenn Beck and Michael Medved. Makes Sean Hannity look quite amateurish.

* Shame on those of us, including myself, that have desensitized ourselves to the poular culture and everything it stands for.

Thursday, August 16, 2007

True Stories*

Pt 1.
It was a blistery winter throughout the Midwest in 1985. I was only 7 years old but I already had dreams as big as the stars. I was going to be the next CEO of the Wichita Oil Co. This company did not exist yet, at least not beyond my imagination. But my business plan was in it's final stages, and the finances were in place. I had even built the facilities with Legos and Lincoln Logs. Some would say that 7 is too young for a boy to dream of owning a wealthy oil dynasty. But there is an innocence in a boy's mind that has the ability to believe in the seemingly impossible. I wasn't going to let the corporate world stop me because of it's lack of faith in young children as business tycoons.
As the cold winter breached my skin with a sharpness that only seals and penguins know, I was busy helping my family load the car for our annual winter vacation. I buttoned my coat a little tighter and tucked my sweater vest into my corduroy jeans to block the wind.
This was going to be a vacation to remember. We were headed to the Detroit Car Show. This is the mother of all car shows and I was going to have a front row seat as each car company unveiled their latest innovation.
We packed lightly so that we could leave room for the souvenirs we were sure to bring home.
I remember my dad yelling, "C'mon kids, let's get a move on, we don't want to miss the opening speeches, and we have 14 hour of driving ahead of us."
So we quickly finished shoving the last bit of suitcases into the cargo container that sat atop our Subaru Wagon.
"She's gonna be loaded down for this trip." I said to my dad as we hopped into the car.
"You bet son, but she's a strong car, she can handle it." He responded.
And he was right. The Subaru had gotten us through the rough years and had been almost like a 6th member of the family. There were only 4 of us in the family but we already counted our toaster as the 5th member, so the Subaru would have to settle for 6th.
We took off, and the time passed by slowly. We kept ourselves busy in the backseat with Madlibs, Tic Tac Toe, Travel Yahtzee and my personal favorite...slugbug.
Little did I know that later that day I would eat breakfast with a celebrity, witness a crime, and meet the girl that would change my life....

*That may or may not be true.

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Wisdom From Demon Hunter

Who knew that a hardcore Christian Metal band could write lyrics so pointed and thought provoking? Fanny J. Crosby would be proud!

I need a heart that carries on through the pain
When the walls start collapsing again.
Give me a soul that never ceases to follow,
Despite the infection within

-- Demon Hunter (Deteriorate)

One final heart-break
And blinding lights will guide our way
Free us our blind state
They will call us by our name

-- Demon Hunter (Undying)

Sing now seraph, find the calm within your soul
Bring us closer to the flame that guides us home.

-- Demon Hunter (The Flame The Guides Us Home)

All those songs were off their latest album called Triptych.

Classic Albums I Once Owned

Those were the days!

Sunday, August 12, 2007

This May Sound Stupid -- Final Edition!

The silver tentacles of the moon’s rays caught me
The deathly silence of the mountains chill me to the bone
And the skeletons of Quinto call me home

I've decided that if I ever really do get a turtle I'm either going to name him Box Car Willie or Jimmy.

My favorite episodes of Leave It To Beaver are the ones where Beaver really bugged Wally on account of he was giving him the business.

I don't know about the rest of you but I am seriously considering slapping on a tube top and a pair of cut off jean shorts and heading down to the River Festival. Anyone in?

I start a new job on June 5th. I will no longer have to clean up the filth that builds up behind toilets. Now I will be cleaning the filth that builds up in people's vacuum cleaners.

I wish it were still socially acceptable for me to make a fort out of the couch cushions and play with Transformers.

I am so glad I decided not to join the PGA. I couldn't stand the politics of it all.

If I had one piece of advice to give to this year's graduating seniors it would be this: Be sure to remember to follow the Moskva down to Gorky Park listening to the wind of change.

I think we ought to support our senior citizens as much as possible. If ever I have an elderly person living with me, I will make sure that the house is quiet during Matlock. Plus it's awesome because you always know when a storm is coming because grandpa's knee starts acting up. "My knee is really aching, this one's gonna be a big un"

If we ever got into a war with Canada where would the draft dodgers run to?

Finally they are all transferred!
It's mercifully over!
I'm running out of stupid quotes!

Saturday, August 11, 2007

Chocolate Rain

It's the sensation that's sweeping the internet. Feel the rain..

...This guy isn't joking either!

Tuesday, August 07, 2007

This May Sound Stupid

I thought of a new slogan for Wichita. The city council can take this and use it if they want to... Wichita: It's been a while since we've found a body floating in the river!

The guy at McDonalds asked me if I wanted to try the McRib. I told him that I'd prefer he get the McMop and clean up the bathroom.

I want to become president someday. I want to be the first President Of The United States that slept in a bunk bed with the vice president. I call top bunk!

I can't decide if I'm going to take that job at NASA or not.

It is hailing bigtime in Wichita right now. I'm getting my sled out. I'll meet you up on the hill.

When I was in elementary school we used to snort pixie sticks because we heard you could get high from it. It works...But because my nose was so big I'd have to do 3 or 4 sticks at a time just to get a buzz.

I think that if Dawson Grimsly, Rene Stevens, Big Mike, and Dave Freeman ever joined forces their power would be unstoppable. We'd have to declare Wichita a federal disaster area. I'd probably pack my things and move to Kechi.

I'm sick of all this rain in Wichita. I saw Dawson Grimsley and Big Mike in a canoe going down main street. Let's just say Dawson's end of the canoe was about 4 feet off the water.

People laughed at the spelling bee when I mispelled the word 'ghost'. But when I asked for the language of origin the judge just rolled his eyes. I thought about it for probably 5 minutes, mulling it over. So then I asked him to use it in a sentence and he said "The idiot at the spelling bee couldn't spell the word ghost." So I took a deep breath and spelled it G-O-A-S-T and then just started crying. That was the worst day of college I had last year.

Monday, August 06, 2007

Waiting on God

Waiting on God is easy to talk about but hard to do. Trusting that His timing is what's best can be frustrating. But the end result is ultmately and fully satisfying.
I have come to the realization that I am never going to be perfect in my patience. In fact I am an impatient person to the core. But He is teaching me and molding me to be better, and I am seeing the results.
Prayer and study can calm the soul and make waiting on His timing easier. If you don't communicate with the creator then how can you expect to understand His creation. I don't know why we think we know better than Him? But we do! Where was I when He laid the foundations of the earth?
God has placed specific people in my life who have helped me listen to His plea to relax and be calm. I am grateful to Him for my recent encounters. It helps me see His ultimate purpose.
Without God I would be a mess! We all would. Waiting on God causes us to stay away from chaos.

Saturday, August 04, 2007

I Have To Get The Country Music Out Of My System

I had all I could handle of country music this week. The only way I know how to bleed it from my ears is to turn my PC speakers up to 11 and just crank this up. Please join me.....

That was Killswitch Engage with A Bid Farewell
I still need more.....

That was Underoath with Writing On The Walls
Last one should do it.....

That was Cold War Kids with Hang Me Out To Dry. A great song! And now I am mollified and ready to move on!

Thursday, August 02, 2007

This May Sound Stupid

Heads Up Seven Up....Now that was a game!

The worst part about having surgery is having to wear that cone on my head afterwards so I won't lick at my stitches.

I like the Icelandic singer Bjork. Don't get me wrong, her music sucks, but I like her name because it is both her name and also a way to describe the act of vomiting. For instance... "Dude, you guys might want to clear out of the room, I think I'm fixin to bjork."

Have you seen the drink sizes at the movie theatre? It goes from thimble size all the way up to wheel barrel. And it costs $39.95 for the big one. I think they ought to have one higher than that. It's super expensive but it's basically a tube that goes all the way from your seat to the coca cola machine itself.

Pour some sugar on me...In the name of love of course.

Life is a poo sandwich and we all have to take a bite.

Do you think that when the real Wendy goes to Wendy's for dinner that she can have anything she wants off the menu? I think it's a legit question.

If I were on Deal Or No Deal I would pretend like I was gonna take the deal and then just as I go down to push the button I'd punch Howie Mandell in the stomach and yell "That's for being so annoying.....Now give me my cash circus boy!"

There are three things I hate... 1. Barbecue Sauce. 2. Racism. 3. Lists of things people hate.

Now they have Coca Cola with coffee in it. What is Coke doing? They are putting way too many things into their product. I just can't wait for Coca Cola salsa. That'll be my drink of choice.