I think bacon should become the official meat of the USA. It's so good. Bacon should be our new currency.
Everyone has finals this week. So in honor of those in finals I am going to watch a lot of Jeopardy and do a ton of crossword puzzles. I'm really nervous.
If King Kong ever tries to terrorize Wichita, then forget it, I'm moving to Kechi. Nothing bad ever happens in Kechi.
I smell pie.
Would you rather have eternal bad breath or a forever runny nose?
Who you tryin to get crazy with ese? Don't you know I'm loco?
I heard a woman tell her spouse this weekend: "I'll slap you so hard you're gonna need a face transplant." And I laughed till I cried.
My mom taught me that whenever there is trouble, just curl up in a little ball on the ground and nothing bad can happen to you.
I'm going to put a baby duck in a headlock today just because I can....Take that PETA!!!
It is a myth that Carmex has fiberglass in it so that people get addicted to it...But it is true that Carmex contains triptophan so that's why you get sleepy after you use it.