Wednesday, July 04, 2007

This May Sound Stupid

And you hoped I was all out of these...

I've always wanted to be a cop, but only because I've always wanted to pull out a gun and yell "Freeze scumbag!" When I try it on a stranger in the street it doesn't have the same effect.

I used to get spanked for not eating my carrots. And still to this day I'd rather take a beating then eat a cooked carrot. Carrots are for rabbits. Trix are for kids.

You've found the marble in the oatmeal...Now you get to drink from the fire hose!

I've always wanted to put on a suit and a fancy name tag and go into a McDonalds and tell the employees that I am from the corporate offices and that I am here to observe to make sure things are being run properly...I'd sort of walk around and look at stuff and then write on a legal pad. But then I would just stand there eating fries out of the fry bin for like two hours.

Confession.... I used to pour glue all over my hands and fingers in elementary school just so I could have the privilege of peeling it off after it dried. Don't act like you didn't do that too.

My couch is seriously close to falling apart. That's the last time I buy furniture from a Family Dollar store.

Have I ever mentioned how much I can't stand Manheim Steamroller? Please make it go away.

I'm thinking about getting a metal blade surgically implanted in my arm in case I ever have to go to prison. I'm not going out getting shanked in the court yard.

Do you realize how hard it is to find socks for a gerbil in this town?

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