Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Real True Facts About Life

1. If a new show comes on TV that bills itself a "reality" show, you can bet the farm that everything that happens on that show is the opposite of reality.

2. Why are there still atheists? How can anyone look at what is going on in this world and possibly think that the existence of sick and evil proves there is no God? On the contrary, it proves there is a God.. Because how else would we be able to know what is good and what is bad. There is a law giver.

3. There is a certain brand of vacuum that tops all other brands when it comes to efficiency and ease of use. What's it gonna take to put you in an Oreck today?

4. God bless Gerald Ford for his service to this country. I don't know much about his time in office but I do know he didn't screw things up near as bad as the next guy after him so that's alright with me.

5. Cheers was filmed in front of a live studio audience.

6. The music is dead. Nothing of importance has come out since Sam Cooke, Otis Redding, and Marvin Gaye Died. James Brown's death on Monday sealed the deal.

7. Let's bring back the chain gang and make criminals plow fields with nothing but shovels and pick axes. Sweat them into rehabilitation!

8. Saddam is gonna hang from his neck until his legs quit kickin. That won't solve any of the current situation in Iraq...But it will solve the need for justice, which is essential.

Saturday, December 23, 2006

Friday, December 22, 2006

The "Awww" Factor.

This kid knows his state capitols. Cutest video of the day by far...

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Know Your Blogger

* He has served a cobb salad to Kurt Russell and sold a vacuum to Kirstie Alley. He has stated that he feels that his life won't be complete until he sells an air purifier to Queen Latifa.

* He didn't get picked last for softball in gym class because he always volunteered to be the team trainer so as to throw off bullies.

* He has always believed in the roly poly method... That is, when every trouble arises around you curl up in a little ball until the situation has past.

* He fell off the wagon. That's right he's back on the nose spray. Hey, the first one is free!

Monday, December 18, 2006

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Manhiem Steamroller Vs. Trans Siberian Orchestra

Who will win this war? Who will gain the title of being the worst music ever made on the face of the earth? Well it's not that simple. It's like choosing between getting stabbed in the face with a dull pick axe Vs. getting stabbed in the face with a different dull pick axe. How do you choose?

Monday, December 11, 2006

It's My Two Year Blog-aversery

I have been typing nonsense and truth on this blog for exactly two years today. It just baffles me that I have stuck with it. Granted this last year the posts have become mostly regurgitated things from around the web, but I am going to keep going since it gives me a place to just blab if I feel like it. My two loyal readers must be so excited.
I am going to keep at it. I will just post whenever I feel like it. It may not be daily but it certainly won't be long in between posts. And if I start having more time to keep up with political things again, I will continue to rip the no-good liberal philosophy a second corn hole.

Here's what you can expect to happen this next year on TLAT...

* More videos of my life. Less videos of Richard Simmons' life.

* Witty commentary from myself. Witty being a relative term.

* Fridays will now be casual dress day for the TLAT staff.

* 30% more filler posts.

* More I heart Ronald Reagan posts. Some of you have inspired me to explain why he is the greatest president of the 20th century, hands down.

* I might bring back "Know Your Blogger". Which used to be a big hit.

* I'm changing my name from A-Dog to Dollar Bill.

* I bought a baby seal, so sometime this year I will need to club it.

* Thursdays are now chicken pot pie day in the TLAT cafeteria. Please just take one until everyone has been served...thank you.

* Donations will now be accepted. I'm not joking about that.

* Lots of midget jokes.

Let's roll!

Friday, December 08, 2006

The Coming Final World War

I just have to make this prediction. Liberals and "doves" will disagree because hiding your head in the sand is much easier than facing reality. Here's the prediction. Muslims are soon going to try to wipe America and Israel off the face of the earth. This is an obvious future event. It is most likely the last and final war.

I believe it's a God thing. God ordains the coming conflict. As a kid I never believed the Biblical final war would be versus Islam. Now I am quite sure that is what it will be.
They think their God demands the killing of non-Muslims. I mean how are we supposed to get that around our heads? We are supposed to die according to them, because we aren't them.

So are we ready? Of course not. Half of our population here in the United States still thinks of themselves as their only God. They stand for nothing. Why fight for nothing?

Well they are gonna lose their chance to fight for "nothing". Fighting for their lives is next.

See you at the Armageddon.

Thursday, December 07, 2006

Monday, December 04, 2006

The Atheist's Creed

This is one of my favorite poems because it keeps me grounded. As a Christian when I sin I often take a look at this poem and it reminds me that that sin and humanism ultimately lead to destruction.
Steve Turner wrote this poem years ago. It reminds us of how futile life would be if there weren't a God...

The Atheists Creed

We believe in Marxfreudanddarwin
We believe everything is OK
as long as you don't hurt anyone
to the best of your definition of hurt,
and to the best of your knowledge.

We believe in sex before, during, and
after marriage.
We believe in the therapy of sin.
We believe that adultery is fun.
We believe that sodomy’s OK.
We believe that taboos are taboo.

We believe that everything's getting better
despite evidence to the contrary.
The evidence must be investigated
And you can prove anything with evidence.

We believe there's something in horoscopes
UFO's and bent spoons.
Jesus was a good man just like Buddha,
Mohammed, and ourselves.
He was a good moral teacher though we think
His good morals were bad.

We believe that all religions are basically the same-
at least the one that we read was.
They all believe in love and goodness.
They only differ on matters of creation,
sin, heaven, hell, God, and salvation.

We believe that after death comes the Nothing
Because when you ask the dead what happens
they say nothing.
If death is not the end, if the dead have lied, then its
compulsory heaven for all
excepting perhaps
Hitler, Stalin, and Genghis Kahn

We believe in Masters and Johnson
What's selected is average.
What's average is normal.
What's normal is good.

We believe in total disarmament.
We believe there are direct links between warfare and
Americans should beat their guns into tractors .
And the Russians would be sure to follow.

We believe that man is essentially good.
It's only his behavior that lets him down.
This is the fault of society.
Society is the fault of conditions.
Conditions are the fault of society.

We believe that each man must find the truth that
is right for him.
Reality will adapt accordingly.
The universe will readjust.
History will alter.
We believe that there is no absolute truth
excepting the truth
that there is no absolute truth.

We believe in the rejection of creeds,
And the flowering of individual thought.

If chance be
the Father of all flesh,
disaster is his rainbow in the sky
and when you hear

State of Emergency!
Sniper Kills Ten!
Troops on Rampage!
Whites go Looting!
Bomb Blasts School!
It is but the sound of man
worshipping his maker.

--Steve Turner

Saturday, December 02, 2006

This May Sound Stupid...

* Certain butterflies have life spans of around a week. It must be frustrating that most of that week they are attending the funerals of their friends.

* If there was a nuclear disaster and you were the last person on earth, would you still shut the door when you used the bathroom?

* Does anyone realize how much I've spent on nose spray over the years? I just realized that I have put several nasal spray executive's kids through college.

* Sometimes when I have a bad day I'll turn on the TV and see a midget riding a unicycle and then I know everything is going to be ok.

* If there was a nuclear disaster and you were the last person on earth, would you feel bad about parking in handicap spaces? Well you should, you racist!

* Your momma is so fat that when she went to try on clothes at a department store she ended up having to get a couple sizes bigger than she had originally thought because she had gained a few pounds over the summer. booyah! Try and top that putdown!

* Don't you wish the AWANA olympics were televised on ESPN 2? I know I do. I'd be on pins and needles wondering if the blue team will take the Sparky crawl for the third year straight.

* Most people think I make fun of my nose because I am insecure about it, in reality I make fun of it because I can see it when I look straight ahead.

* Why is it that no one beats their wife while wearing a shirt on the show Cops?

* My two favorite stereotypes... 1. Asians are really good at math. 2. Midgets are really good at finding stuff under the couch.

(Tuesday, October 4th 2005)