Monday, November 27, 2006

This May Sound Stupid...

* I'm going to the fair today and guess what, the second I see some mayonnaise-sandwich-eatin-cracker in a tube top I may just throw my funnel cake at them

* It takes a big man to cry, it takes a bigger man to hold a kleenex to the crying man's nose and ask him to blow.

* Would you rather be forced to beat a baby duck with a crowbar or stare at the sun with binoculars for five minutes?

* Ok, but what if the baby duck had just gunned down your cousin? Then which one would you choose???

* An old Chinese proverb says: He who has gas in church must sit in his own pew.

* Could God microwave a burritto so hot that even he could not eat it?

* Crickets make me mad. They just sit in one place and chirp non-stop all night long. Perhaps if they would shut up for one second they would listen to each other. Maybe they would hear each other for the very first time. Communication is key here. And while they are hearing each other, possibly they will communicate this very simple message to one another: "Oh my word! We have got to do something other than just stand in one spot all night and chirp."

* There are 3 things I know for sure in this life... One, Richard Simmons is really really gay. Two, Asians are really really good at ping pong. And three, if Richard Simmons were Asian he'd be the best gay ping pong player that ever lived

* Would you rather chew all day on a piece of gum covered with hair and pocket lint or be the one that accidently brings pork ribs to a bar mitzvah?

* If you're at the state fair and you weigh 350 lbs and you have a corn dog in each hand and you are clenching a turkey leg in your teeth....please don't try to tell people you are just big boned...nobody is buying it.

(Thursday September 22nd 2005)

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Mingling With The Stars

I know people are sick of me mentioning it. But last week Kirstie Alley was on Oprah to show off her new slim look. Here's a look...

Anyway, the point is that later that night after the Oprah taping Kirstie Alley flew to Wichita where she immediatly went shopping for a vacuum for her new house. And who did she choose to sell her this vacuum??? That's right me. I had her in the store for 30 minutes. I ran through my whole sales pitch, and guess what, She bought two 600 dollar vacuums. I don't really care that much about celebs, never have. But I do love Cheers. Anyway it was kind of exciting.
The cool part is that she sent her assistant in for more Oreck stuff a few days later.

Now if I can just convince the rest of the scientologists to come get Orecks. Come buy Orecks or the aliens will come and eat your head!

Friday, November 17, 2006

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Sam Cooke -- The Man, The Legacy Pt 1.

As I've stated many times. I am a massive Sam Cooke fan. It just doesn't get any better. He changed music. And then just as he was about to change the world he was killed in a senseless shooting. GET READY because here is part one of his story. Do yourself a favor and watch all of these as I put them up. Even if you've never heard of Sam Cooke, I promise you've heard his music, and his story will fascinate you...

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

This May Sound Stupid...

* Gas is $3.09 in Wichita today. Forget that. I'm paying $1.98 and nothing more. Got it sucker!?

* How come when a little baby pulls his diaper off and runs around naked it's cute, but when grandpa does it everyone wants to put him in a home????

* The guy in front of me at McDonalds couldn't decide what he wanted on the menu. That's insane. It's McDonalds! Everyone knows what they want at McDonalds. It's not like trying to choose which child you want to adopt...Just choose something and get out of the way!!! I'm McAngry!!

* There is nothing worse than opening your mailbox and finding a human head. If that ever happens to me...Man, what a bad day!

* So I'm addicted to nose spray. SO what, like you aren't?!

* I may have a big nose, but at least I can smell cookies baking from up to 2 miles away...How you like me now??

* Would you rather fall off a mountain cliff and land on a bunch of spikes and then burst into flames and have acid poured all over you OR have to listen to an entire Kenny G album?

* I've come to the conclusion that the most underrated guitar solo of all time is the one in Air Supply's "Making Love Out Of Nothing At All".

* I heard a rumor, maybe someone can let me know if it's true or not. Does Spangles really have the shakes going on?

* Why did the gay guy at McDonalds give me an extra apple pie with my order?

* In a report that came out today, scientists have finally come to the conclusion that the stupidest and most idiotic song of all time is Walk Like An Egyptian by The Bangles. Now they can finally get back to that cancer research thing.

* One of the worst days of 5th grade for me was when this mean kid in my class wouldn't stop calling me Aaron StiGall-Bladder.

Saturday, November 11, 2006

Lonely Mornings In A Cold Dallas Hotel Room

No, it's not the name of a Conway Twitty song, it's what I name this video. The New Orleans trip is loaded. The problem is that it is incredibly boring. I was by myself and talking to the camera. Here's me in Dallas...

Friday, November 10, 2006

The Democrats Won

I see it like this. Even as a kid when you were playing baseball with all the kids in the neighborhood, sometimes you would let the retarded kid play for a couple of innings. Just put him out in right field and hope he doesn't screw things up too bad.

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Get Rid Of Exit Polling

It should be illegal. It's dumb. The only poll that counts is the actual vote. I think we need to just be calm and wait for results on election day. Stop!

Monday, November 06, 2006

Vote G.O.P.

Why Now Is A Great Time To Be A Republican.

(This is a TLAT rerun. But it's just as relevent now as we go to the polls tomorrow. Vote G.O.P. and vote often!)

This past decade and a half the Republican base has been on fire. We have haven't been more proud of our president since Reagan. That's because George W. Bush is a real leader. We may not all always agree with his decisions. But hard decisions are being made none the less. As far as I can tell he hasn't once stuck his finger out the door of the White House to see which way the political winds are blowing. And he has stuck by the Iraq people. Thank God for that. Pulling out of Iraq would be a disaster...Isn't it ironic how the libs are always rooting for disaster?
Here are some other reasons why it is a great time to be a Republican...

* Our leaders have a plan and a reason for why they do what they do. The people who vote for them have the same plan in mind.

* Our party's entire plan doesn't consist of taking down the other party at all costs even if the methods of doing so are blatantly dishonest.

* The fringe right are generally still decent, and loving Americans who just desire things that some might find a tad extreme. That extreme is generally still sane and non-threatening. As opposed to the left fringe who just this week talked about how cool it would be if Bin Laden came to America and slashed George Bush's throat.

* Underneath President Bush's desk in the oval office is intern free.

* Even though the entire television broadcast media stations are anti-Bush save one, Our president is still right at historically average approval ratings.

* We didn't get our morals from an opinion poll in the New York Times.

* We are honest with ourselves about the war on terror. It's not a fight for oil. It's a fight for survival. We believe that it still IS a war on terror. Which it is.

* Our convention this year was an awesome display generated by the pride we had in our fearless leader. There's was an 8th grade SGA pizza party. Oh and there candidate was in Vietnam, did you know that!

* We have a healthy fear of the almighty God. God is our God. The liberals only God is themselves and politics. It's scary how many things are justifiable when the only person you have to answer to is yourself and Ted Kennedy.

* We still own guns. If you're sleeping over at someone's house and a murder breaks down the door...Would you rather be staying with a conservative or a liberal. That's right..a conservative, they probably own a gun. What's a liberal gonna do? Give the murderer a fatal papercut with a copy of the Communist Manifesto?

* We win elections. Even after the 8th illegal recount, we win elections.

It's party time over here on the right. It's doom and gloom time on the left. Who in the world wants to vote for a party that only promises appeasement and more taxes??? Vote republican!!!!

Hard Drives From The Past

This is fascinating. Check out the cost for a 120 MB hard drive. This is early on in the personal computer world...

Sunday, November 05, 2006

New Music

I just realized that I have severely neglected my post here at TLAT. It's tough keeping up with this thing.

I am on a huge "new music" phase. Through the wonder of myspace I have found tons of new bands and singer/songwriters that are awesome.

So I will share my findings on here coming up soon.