* Why is Papa John's so much more disgusting than Pizza Hut? Scholars are torn on this question, but most agree that it has something to do with the fact that their pizza tastes really really bad.
* Time to go mow the church lawn once again. Let's hope I avoid the lawn salad. I have dressing in hand just in case.
* Tonight for dinner I had 2 egg rolls and three donuts. Any second now my insides might explode. Somebody get the word out, donuts and eggrolls are a lethal combination. The FDA should be warned.
* How does a person with no arms brush their teeth? This is one of life's toughest questions.
* Riddle: What is round and square at the same time, yet doesn't even really exist?
* Is it wrong that I wish my car had a laser guided missle launcher on the front of it so that I could blow up cars that cut me off in traffic?
* Those liars said that there could possibly be 240 meteors an hour. Thats the last time I get info from www.bad-information.com. At least I didn't get hit in the head with one! Or did I? I can't remember.
* I spent the night scooping water out of my car. That's right, my car was in a terrible flood at my parents house and it had half a foot of standing water in the front and back seat. But life is still good. How was your night?
* If there's one thing I can't stand it's when my car smells like a racoon threw up and then died underneath my car seat. It's bad!
* People yell at me because I pour too much milk into the macaroni and cheese. And you know what I say to them...Shut up and drink your cheese milk!