Friday, April 21, 2006

This May Sound Stupid...

Because of a lack of postable brilliance I have decided to just syndicate some stuff from My Xanga. Basically it's just one liner observations. Enjoy, this is gonna be really stupid, it always is..

* I like the Icelandic singer Bjork. Don't get me wrong, her music sucks, but I like her name because it is both her name and also a way to describe the act of vomiting. For instance... "Dude you guys might want to clear out of the room, I think I'm fixin to bjork."

* The worst part about having surgery is having to wear that cone on my head afterwards so I won't lick at my stitches.

* Remember when we used to believe that if you swallowed a piece of gum it took 15 years to digest? I'd just now be passing that piece of Bazooka that I chewed that one day back in middle school.

* If I were Asian I would embrace my stereotypes and do math problems all day long and play ping pong all night. Also if I had time I would go to an amusment park, but since I would be Asian I would be too short to ride any of the rides. Sucks.

* Do you go to walmart because of the savings...or because of the fact that your allowed to wear a tube top and no shoes? I think it's a little of both for me.

* I am as manly as they come....but there are some nights that I want to put on a mud mask and a shower cap, get in a bubble bath, read The Notebook and have myself a good cry.

* Why don't people name their sons Huey or Seymore anymore?

* Hitler was a jerk!

* Canada is like America's younger brother. I think we should go and give them a swirlee.

* I am not ok with slavery. Just for the record.

* Why can't penguins fly? I think they aren't really even trying.

* When Michael Bolton sings 'When A Man Loves A Woman' babies laugh, children dance, and grown men have been known to openly weep. Count me amongst the latter.

* I think the question we have all been asking is how come Cheez-It's© haven't made a cereal yet. I would be the first in line to buy new Cheez-It Flakes.© Stays Cheezy in milk!™

* I decided that I'm not going to pay my taxes anymore. But don't worry because I'm going to send the IRS a fruit basket and a $5 McDonalds Arch Card.

* Every year Dick Clark has the the most trendy pop bands on his 'Rockin New Years Eve'. I think it'd be hilarious if they had a metal band on there. Just once I would love to hear Dick Clark say..."That was Hillary Duff with her latest hit and now ladies and gentlemen here's Cannibal Corpse."

* I completely regret joining the Russian mafia.

* Everyone has finals this week. So in honor of those in finals I am going to watch a lot of Jeopardy and do a ton of crossword puzzles. I'm really nervous.

* If ever I won 240 million dollars playing the lottery the first thing I'd buy is a diamond encrusted pizza cutter. I've always fancied me a pizza cutter with a little pizazz.

* I wish we would invade Greenland. That would give the Marines Special Op's Ice Skating Unit a chance to finally show what they're made of.

* Most TV news anchors take stage names. I decided that if I ever became a news anchor my name would be Chuck McGinnley. "Reporting live from this grizzley murder scene, Chuck McGinnley, ABC news, back to you Tina."

* If you think about it, a fruit roll-up is actually just an edible kleenex.

* My two favorite stereotypes... 1. Asians are really good at math. 2. Midgets are really good at finding stuff under the couch.

* How come when a little baby pulls his diaper off and runs around naked it's cute, but when grandpa does it everyone wants to put him in a home????

* People yell at me because I pour too much milk into the macaroni and cheese. And you know what I say to them...Shut up and drink your cheese milk!

Ahh so stupid. I've never felt more alive!

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