Wednesday, December 21, 2005

The Year In Review Pt I

What has 2005 taught us....

* Never let your child sleep over at a ranch with a celebrity. Especially if that celebrity thinks he's peter pan.

* Ashlee and Jessica Simpson would sell their mother into slavery if it would earn them an extra dollar.

* Bono's Euro-mullet is a great comfort to many people.

* Reality shows will never have anything to do with reality.

* Even drugged out of his mind, Rush Limbaugh is smarter and more relevant than the leading democrats.

* Bush is Superman. Just go ahead and try and bring him down, it'll only make you look like a fool.

* If you're a woman, Oprah owns you. Fear her.

* Movies got much much dumber in 2005. All you have to do is put out a movie about two gay guys and you'll have yourself an academy award. I have one coming out about two gay librarians, the only question is on which shelf should I put my Golden Globe?

* Hollywood has lost any and all creativity.

* I miss Jimmy Stewart.

* Hillary Clinton believes in something called children's rights. That means that she thinks that as a parent you should be subject to your child. If they want to have an abortion at age 12 and not let you know...then who are you to say otherwise. And how dare you demand good grades of them.

* That same woman thinks she will be our next president. I think not.

* If you find a human finger in your Wendy's chili you might just be a winner. As if biting into a juicy digit weren't bonus enough!

* You can now get face transplants. You do realize that this means in 50 years everyone is going to look like Brad Pitt and Marilyn Monroe. I for one am leaning towards one of the Baldwin brothers.

* 1 in 4 British people are considered fat. That's quite a feat considering the food they eat over there. Now if we could only import some toothbrushes.

* Jimmy Carter is all up in everyone's biznass.

* Ronald Reagan owns you. He was the greatest president of the 20th century if not ever.

* Taco Bell makes new food products by simply rearranging beans, rice, and tortilla into different shapes...Brilliant!

* Truck stop bathrooms are a hotbed of nastiness.

* Bush can kill us all by changing weather patterns and causing floods, earthquakes, tsunamis, and certain bird flus of the Avian variety. Fear him.

* The democrats want us to lose in Iraq. They have no problem with deaths as long as it will increase their personal gain.

* New Orleans is not as buoyant as originally thought.

* Evolution and atheist activists are scared of any differing opinion. What they really fear is finding out what the purpose of life is. Their convience is at stake.

* Hollywood has lost any and all creativity.

* New York garage bands took over the music scene...Oh, a new band came out this week...let me guess, they sound exactly like The Strokes and Rolling Stone magazine says they are the next big predictable.

Ahh yes, I remember it well!

1 comment:

Pat Angello said...

Hollywood has lost all creativity? What about those great original films this year like King Kong. Er, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Uh, War of the Worlds. Crap, The Longest Yard. DANG! Batman, Harry Potter, Star Wars. CRAP CRAP CRAP!