Tuesday, October 18, 2005

My Conversation With Bono

A cold chill was in the air as I entered the lounge where I agreed to meet U2's frontman Bono. It was early fall and unusually cold in downtown Wichita Kansas. How I convinced an international superstar to fly into the midwest town for an interview with a blogger with only a handful of readers is anyone's guess.
I chose an out-of-the way pub for our meeting. When I walked in Bono was sitting at the table having a drink. He looked like, well he looked like Bono. The trademark hair, leather coat, and wrap around sunglasses were all present. I sat down and ordered a Diet Coke...

The Life And Times: I can't begin to thank you enough for flying in for this interview Bono.

Bono: Oh my pleasure. I enjoy your blog and I was excited to get the opportunity.

TLAT: Trust me the pleasure is all mine... Ok, Let me get something straight right off the bat, Do I just call you Bono?

Bono: Of course, what else would you call me?

TLAT: I didn't know if you had a last name or something.

Bono: Oh, no, just Bono. I mean my last name is Johnson. But I go by the moniker of Bono only.

TLAT: Ok, Bono it is... Bono Johnson....Really?

Bono: shut it.

TLAT: Ok, ok, sorry... How is your North American tour going?

Bono: Oh man, it is unbelievable, we are getting amazing crowds. We'll start out singing our signature songs and then move into our newer stuff. It's Amazing how everybody knows all the words. The audience sings louder than I do half the time. I mean we really have been using the same rhythm and tune since 1985 but no one seems to mind.

TLAT: That's great. The same tune? Really?

Bono: Well we like to keep things on an even keel. We've done research and found that our main demographic is college aged males that were barely even alive when we first hit the scene. So we write music that we think is to their hip standards. It's what our fans want. Drunken frat boys are scared of change and so we give them what they want. Why else do you think I haven't changed my hair style in 20 years?

TLAT: Wow, I guess I never really thought of it that way. Even though the mullet was out of style years ago...you keeping it that way has helped you sell records.

Bono: Euro-Mullet...thank you.

TLAT: I see

Bono: I come from the land of leprechauns and enchantment. And potatoes and drinking fit in there somewhere...but anyway we take pride in our Euro-Mullets. I personally have a team of 8 people that make sure this hair style never changes.

TLAT: Impressive. It's like you have a Supercuts with you everywhere you go.

Bono: You gettin sarcastic with me boy? You do know who I am?

TLAT: You're Bono.

(At this point bono's Irish accent became much more pronounced)

Bono: And don't you be a-forgettin it ma wee lad. I wouldn't want to have to just walk away from this here interview. I'm from Dublin don't ya know!

TLAT: Sorry Bono.

Bono: Tis ok, just you continue on with yer interview-en son.

TLAT: Wow, your accent is getting thick. I just..

Bono: Me accent starts to pick up when I get heated.

TLAT: Ok, let's move on to the next question.

Bono: Sounds like a great idea ma wee one.

TLAT: What is the future for U2? More albums? Retirement?

Bono: Well like most musicians I'd like to have as long a singing career as possible. I have thousands more songs in my head ready to come out. For instance here's one I was working on earlier today...oooh ahhhhhoooo ohwahhhhhoooohoooo One street moving in mysterious ways with no name ooooohoooo hawaaahoo.

Bono: What do you think?

TLAT: Sounds like a song those college frat boys will really get behind.

Bono: exactly. So in otherwords, U2 ain't going anywhere. I'm Bono reporting for The Life And Times saying thanks for reading and we'll catch you next...

TLAT: excuse me. What are you doing?

Bono: I was ending the interview.

TLAT: Why? I wasn't done asking questions.

Bono: Ok fine. One more and then I'm done with the likes of ya.

TLAT: Awesome.. Ok. You have been a very politically conscience celebrity for a while. Do you think that can bring about third world debt relief in our time?

Bono: Of course we can. We've started already. But you wankers here in America have yet to agree to cancel out enough debt. I mean people in African countries are starving because their country maxed out their Capital One Visa earlier on in their country's beginnings. We have them on a credit counseling program, But is it really enough? For instance... 8 years ago Tanzania needed some new fences for a lion exhibit. What choice did they have but to put it on their American Express. None. They tried to swipe the card but it was declined because America isn't cancling out this debt.

TLAT: Ok that is ridiculous. Countries don't have credit cards.

Bono: See that's the mindset you capitalist pigs have.. your country doesn't use a national credit card...But countries like the Congo lost their checking privlidges years ago after a round of bounced checks. So see yer argument sort of crumbles now doesn't it.

TLAT: Not really.

Bono: Bah! I'm gettin on my private jet and gettin out of here. Thanks for a great interview.

TLAT: You bet!

Bono: Hey, I'd love for you to come and see our show in Dallas. I'll get you backstage if you want.

TLAT: No that's ok, I can't stand your guys' music.

Bono: Oh that's right I forgot. Well than take it easy bloke..we'll be seeing ya.

TLAT: Thanks..You too!

And so another successful interview ends. Unlike My conversation with Mr. Moore, Bono and I ended on good terms...although I'm not sure why. Until next time this is The Life And Times....Out!



markerfactory said...

Bono is a tree-huggin' tool

Derek said...

So here is what I don't get. Since Bono is such a "tree-huggin' tool" why does George W. (a.k.a. "one of the greatest presidents of our time") keep meeting with him and discussing political issues?


cg said...

Maybe it's because Bush used to be a drunken frat boy.