Tuesday, September 06, 2005

TLAT's Undeniable Truths -- Updated

Based loosely on Rush Limbaugh's 30 undeniable truths.

* There is a God..He is all powerful.

* Wheat bread is so much better than white.

* If you are eating a mayonnaise sandwich right now at a table that has a NASCAR table cloth, you just might be a white trash redneck.

* No nation has ever taxed itself into prosperity.

* There is nothing more entertaining than watching a midget play Dance Dance Revolution. Go little man, Go!

* Hearing politicians tell us "we" can't "afford" a tax cut is like listening to a glutton tell you he can't "afford" a diet. In no other context do people talk about "paying for" money they don't have. I can't pay for your refusal to give me money because I need a yacht. -- Ann Coulter

* Each of us are standing in the palm of God's hand, most of us don't even realize that.

* Liberalism stems from ignorance

* Ronald Reagan is the best president of the 20th century.

* Attending Church is not optional for a Christian...according to the Bible.

* U2 recycles music.

* Abortion is murder.

* The hamburger is the single greatest food of all time.

* People who smoke are among the least brightest people on the earth.

* The ACLU is evil and will be the organization that sets the foundation for Christian persecution in America.

* American's are too fat...Hey, can someone hand me that twinkie?

* Rap music as a whole is terrible, country music as a whole is terrible. If and when the two meet Armageddon will commence.

* Homosexuality is a sin.

* Sam Cooke and Otis Redding own Usher and R. Kelly.

* Quentin Terintino is the most overrated film maker of our time.

* Adam Sandler hasn't made a funny movie since Happy Gilmore.

* Levi's Jeans, if worn for a week straight without being washed, will start to chafe.

* George W. Bush is the right man for the job, he will go down in the history books as one of the greats.

* We've finally given liberals a war against fundamentalism, and they don't want to fight it. They would, except it would put them on the same side as the United States. -- Ann Coulter

* Soy Chocolate Milk isn't half bad.

* Sticking your head out the side window of the space shuttle during reentry into the earth's atmosphere will kill you.

* Cleaning toilets is way easier and much more pleasant than cleaning windows.

* The Passion was one of the most beautifully made and truthful movies of all time.

* You could afford your house without your government - if it weren't for your government. -- Rush Limbaugh

* Michael Moore is having a triple with extra cheese from Wendy's right now.

* A warm chocolate chip cookie and a cold glass of milk is one of the greatest combinations of all time. It's the closest thing to heaven on earth that can be had.

* Barry White had himself a deep voice.

* Brian Regan is probably the funniest comedian ever. Tim B. can back me up on that one.

* Responsibility and hardship bring about maturity.

* Jesus Christ is our first, last, and only hope.

* Elvis was fat when he died.


Undeniable indeed!


Aaron S.

4 comments:

markerfactory said...

Barry White did have himself a deep voice.

Aaron has himself a huge nose.

VW bugs are girly.

Toast will never be the same shade of "cooked but not really" on both sides.

A rabbit, left to it's own defenses, will eventually be hit by a car or run into someone's porch.

Cherry Coke is delish.

Rock is the best genre of music.

Liberals are morons.

Tribal tatoos are played out.

American cars are better than foreign cars.

College textbooks are updated too often and are over priced.

With few exceptions, chics with piercings are hott.

Gooseneck said...

U2 recycles music

Genius!

Triston said...

Rap and Country did! With Nelly and Tim Mcgraw. Where is Armageddon now punk?

Matthew said...

Yeah buddy! Brain Regan is friggin' hilarious!

"You had logs? But I gotta order form...for logs..."