Saturday, August 20, 2005

Things You'll Never Hear People Say...

"What Scotch? Now? But it's only noon."
--Ted Kennedy

"Is it possible that I could get low fat dressing on that salad."
--Reuben Studdard

"I think I'll just sort of carelessly toss the soap around while I take my shower today."

"I'm sick of this dial-up. Honey I say we splurge a little and get broadband."
--Bill Gates

"First off, I'd like to thank the Academy......"
--Jessica Simpson

"I think I'll wear my khaki pants today."
--Richard Simmons

"The Communist Manifesto? No way, I don't have time to read that right now."
--Any ACLU member

"Chuck E. Cheese? No way, I don't have time to go there right now."
--Michael Jackson

"Dumb And Dumber was so much funnier the second time"
--Stephen Hawking (In a robotic voice)

"Phone call? I can't answer my phone now, we're in a theatre."

"Hey guys, c'mon, let's not bring our mothers into this."

"Hey, I think I'll sit still through the entire need to get up and leave"

Sorry those last three were kind of inside.

1 comment:

markerfactory said...

"Cubs lose! Cubs lose!" - Harry Carey

"My nose is tiny!" - Aaron

"I won a grammy?!" - Macy Gray

"I'm a perfectly neutral moderator on 'This Week.'" - George Stephanopoulos

"At least I never bite my lip when I sing" - Sam Cooke

"I can't smell a thing!" - Aaron

"What eat 4 hogies in one meal setting? You must be out of your mind!" - Michael Moore