Making everyone feel better about their own childhood since 2004.
* He never lets on when he's wimping out. Once when he was 14 he and his dad got on their bikes went for an hour long bike ride in the summer heat. Towards the end of the ride his dad asked him "You doing ok son?" He replied.."Doing great, I could go two more hours." Literally one minute later he threw up, passed out, and fell off his bike. Why can't he just be honest about how he can't handle it? C'mon man!
* He used to dream of just being a farmer. He thought all you had to do was go milk a couple cows in the morning and collect the eggs at night and the money just rolled in. When he found out that it was substantially more work than that he denied that he ever even wanted to be a farmer.
* He fell down the stairs his first day of high scool. Way to make a good first impression doofus!
* He got stabbed in the leg with a pencil in the 8th grade and the mark from it still remains. He tells people it's a tattoo of a period. I guess he thinks that a punctuation tattoo would actually be something to brag about.
* Once for a book report about the history of rock music he was one source shy of the minimum amount of sources that the teacher required...So, he just fabricates a magazine called "Rock Music Monthly", he makes up the article and the author of the article. That unethical little cheater! He still feels bad about it to this day. And who names their magazine Rock Music Monthly anyway...possibly the lamest magazine ever.
* His dad told him "Son, when someone flips you off at school, and they are holding the one middle finger up at you, just say, 'Is that how many friends you had before your dog died?'" He tried it several weeks later at school and received a beating that didn't let up for several minutes. Thanks dad!
* In middle school he had a nasty overbite, this was pre-braces. One bully relentlessly called him "rat boy" and constantly told him he should eat cheese cause he is was a rat. Well two years later that same kid transferred back to his high school. At lunch he was walking down the hall, looks up and sees the bully, and realizes that he is eating a huge bag of Cheese-its. The bully just looks at him and slowly shakes his head and laughed pretty much out loud down the rest of the hall. Irony always hurts the worst. Thankfully braces remedied the situation later on.