Tuesday, August 16, 2005

If Elvis Were Alive Today...

It's been 28 years since Elvis died and I was sitting here thinking what would have happened if he hadn't died so many years ago. Here's what I think...

* He'd be 70 years old this year, he'd probably be doing denture creme commercials.

* He'd weigh approximately 489 pounds.

* He'd be on his 4th "Farewell" tour.

* He and Wilford Brimley would be on daytime TV telling us to "Check your blood sugar, and check it often. You see there is just no reason not to."

* Graceland would be unkept, unmowed and Elvis would be down to 99 TV's.

* Elvis would have collaborated and performed duets with such notable modern acts like Cher, REO Speedwagon, Cyndi Lauper, Nelly, and Snoop Dogg.

* He would have probably been in those creepy Liza Minnelli and David Guest wedding photos, along with Michael Jackson and Elizabeth Taylor.

* If Colonel Tom Parker were alive also, then he'd have Elvis doing two shows a day in Branson Missouri.

* He'd have a 23 year old wife.

The king is long gone, but if he were here at least one of the above would have to be true. I just know it.

2 comments:

Jackie said...

Elvis was extremely attractive.

David said...

"*If Colonel Tom Parker were alive also, then he'd have Elvis doing two shows a day in Branson Missouri."

Branson's in my neck o' the piney woods. I live in dread of being trapped there again as I was once for a brief time that seemed like an eternity in Purgatory...

*shudder*

Ya know what's wrong with Ozark elevator music?

The d*&^#@ elevator doesn't even move!

And yeh, I have no doubt Elvis'd fit right in.