Saturday, December 11, 2004

The 3rd Annual "Things I Hate" Awards

Sorry, but I just have to get this out of my system before the season of love and sharing comes around...

Disclaimer: I don't hate people...just certain philosophies...

#1. Liberal Democrats-- Once again the people who supposedly care about humanity, who champion themselves as "for the people" are the very ones that proved they will turn around and stab you in the back for an ounce of power. Even if you deviate from their stream of ideas even a smidge their backs will turn against you and they will literally leave you high and dry....Note...Especially if you happen to be black (i.e. Aunt Jemima, Uncle Tom). Maybe libs will start to figure out why us conservatives have destroyed them at the ballot box for the past 10 years.

#2. Rap Music -- I cannot fit my hatred for modern day rap music fully in this little paragraph. I hope rap music dies an agonizing death. It's just so silly. Back in the day when Cypress Hill and Dr. Dre and Snoop first started...Rap was cool, kind of like a novelty is at first. But now it's truly worse than country music. It's cliche, it's nasty, and it isn't even catchy anymore. Current rappers should note that the best thing that ever happen to M.C. Hammer is that he went bankrupt. He'd only have delayed and lengthened his temporary status as a laughing stock if he'd kept rapping in the mainstream...If you current "thugs" stop now you may be able to establish some sort of dignity after the initial humiliation when the novelty completely dies.

#3. People That Say That Homosexuality is Normal-- First of all I DO NOT hate homosexuals...I'm not denying that homosexuality may be from birth, I'm not denying that it may even occur rarely in the animal kingdom...What I'm denying is that it is "normal". There are many reasons why I believe homosexuality is abnormal. It goes beyond religion. In fact the main reason I find it abnormal has NOTHING to do with my religion. The parts don't fit, nor are they made to fit. It's not a functional relationship. I'm not denying that for some it may bring temporary pleasure and happiness. I just don't understand how it's concieved as normal. If there is an iota of truth to homosexuality being genetic than If anything it's a genetic flaw.

#4. Modern Country Music -- Is Kenny Chesney really even country? He's a redneck cracker, that's for sure, but would he even know what country music was if he heard it? This modern day, wannabe, pancakes and sausage country music is nothing more than men and women in skin tight leather pants and muscle shirts playing slow pop ballads and yoddling. I'd almost rather listen to U2...almost.

#5 Site Endorsed Pop Up Ad's That Cover Most Of The Page -- I get just a little T.O'ed beyond what words can describe when I am visiting a web site and then a popup, advertising some movie or the army or something, comes screaming at me blocking me from doing my business. I'm trying to click on some mindless funny picture or read an article and I have Tom Cruise in the latest movie blown up on my screen. And the worst part of it is that these ad's are endorsed by the site...They are so hard up for money that they will allow another company to supercede their own product...unbelivable.

#6 Friends, Will and Grace, and Sex and The City -- I could add so many other silly, cookie cutter, unrealistic, uncreative shows to this list. These shows go to prove once again that The Simpsons are still the only funny show on TV...plus the recent addition of Arrested Development was a good one. That's about it! These idiotic producers know how to package a mindless show about elitists who live in huge lofts in New York sipping expensive coffee drinks and joking about "the latest" so that little pre-teens will run back to their friends on Friday at school and go over their show like a script with their friends. It's not funny stuff at all. It's clever....I'll give them that, but how is it any different than everything else? Creativity in music, movies and television is dead. Can the general public really be so dumb as to think another New York loft sitcom will be funny, or different? I miss Andy, Opie, Aunt Bea, Barney, The Beaver, Lucy, and even Kramer, and Jerry Seinfeld (the lone New York Loft sitcom with originality). I got rid of cable, turned off my TV, and turned on Phil Hendrie. I'd advise everyone to do similar.

#7 Applebees -- I've been only to a handful of Applebees across this country, and I am here to tell you that is one of the worst dining experiences that you will ever face. First off there are 8000 people in the resteraunt at any one time, you'd think that would mean that Applebees is popular..NO, They have been in the resteraunt waiting for their waiter to come at least greet them for the past hour and so the line at the door is piling up with unsuspecting hungry people. Apparently they have no training program for employees whatsoever. Your drink's ice will melt before it will ever be refilled. Your hamburger and/or baby back ribs will taste no different than a whopper with the excetpion of a little bit of skin still on the french fries.. But you can bet that you will find a hair in your food sometime throughout the experience. And another thing, once you get to your table you will notice that the people before you had a contest to see how sticky they can get the table, and how much crumbs can be ground into the floor....and guess what, the person that was at your seat won. Exageration's included....Applebees is quite an experience....for me to poop on.

#8 Church Potlucks -- Not everyone will be able to relate to this one. I truly dislike the bi-annual church potluck at my church. I always eat before. It's not the people, it's not the fellowship...it's the food. Twice a year in the church bulliten there it is...CHURCH POTLUCK: BRING TWO SIDE DISHES AND A DESSERT AND LET'S FELLOWSHIP TOGETHER. Fellowship is a wonderful thing, getting together with the saints is always good...But let's have Pizzas brought in....please! For starters the neon mystery jello salad...what's up with that? Then you have the potato dish...Is it scalloped potato's, or some sort of cassarole? But worst of all is the macaroni and cheese...Let me correct..Simple macaroni and cheese would be fine, but people decide to use this church get together to do some food experimentation. So then we get the mac & cheese & ham with bacon bits. Or the mac and cheese with pepparoni and tomatos...It's like having dinner over at Emmeril Lagasse's retarded cousins house. Don't even get me started. Then afterwards you have to sit and pray in faith that you won't die of food poisoning.

#9 Lindsey Lohan -- Uggggh... I'm so sick of the cycle of stupidity. It's time for the next teenage music/movie bubblegum crossover with a breast job that is little more than a highly paid stripper. You can set your watch by it. And now I'm supposed to be so excited by her well planned pin ups and "accidental" skirt fly-up that I rush out to buy her CD and forget that she couldn't sing if she tried. She may not have a terrible movie career, she may even sell a couple of CD's, but she will forever go down in the books as another female innocent with her naked rump shoved onto every magazine and TV Show possible. The sexual virgin. Am I the only one who sees through the gimmick of what is being sold to me? It's not just Lindsey Lohan, It's every band..it's any band that packages songs with money in mind and maximum airplay. It's movies made with dollar signs in the eyes of those involved.....By the way, Has anyone seen the latest Entertainment Weekly with Lindsey Lohan on the cover....What a hottie!!!(j/k, irony rules)

#10 Cartoon Network's Adult Swim -- I must be getting old. I'm starting to get nostalgic lately. I miss Cheers. I miss Perfect Strangers. I miss You Can't Do That On Televsion. And I especially miss The Jetsons and The Smurfs. I used to be able to take a trip back, to see the past through the Cartoon Network. But now I get the gayest form of animation of all time almost 24 hours a day....Anime. Am I the only one that thinks that Japanimation is worse than coughing up blood? It's completely boring and unnecssary. Nobody even gets an anvil from the Acme corporation dropped on their head. The uniform Japanese characters with oversized mouths can't even eat spinach to get strong. But most of all it's not even entertaining in the slightest...not to mention completely inappropriate for children. Sure Adult Swim has more than just Anime, sure it has a couple of funny shows. But I'd trade all of that flop...funny shows and all...for Tom, Jerry, GI Joe, Speedy Gonsales, Fred, Barney...and the big brontasaurs rack of ribs that knocks over the foot powered stone-wheeled car. Sombody stop the world...cause I want to get off this ride.

People.....Popeye is missing...Lindsay Lohan is here...I have to eat neon pasta with bacon at the church potluck...Applebees is serving soilent green...The liberals are getting sadistic...and Tim Mcgraw has joined forces with Nelly to make the most annoying evil song of all time....COME LORD, EVEN NOW!!!!!!

See ya round!

P.S. I promise not to be so negative all the time...I just had to vent!

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

Okay...you told me to post a comment so I am. Evidently, I am the only one thus far. That's okay though. Interesting list...however, I must be "The Nazi" and point out to you that I THINK, in #3, you meant "perceived" rather than "conceived". Other than that, I give you a 93%. Not too bad. Okay, here's my mini-list of things that I hate. Don't have time to explain them in detail, however, as I am at work.
1. I hate canker sores. I hate them. Nothing in my life makes me feel as gross. I have a canker sore now, and it is ruining my life.
2. I hate Chipotle. It tastes gross, and they put way too much rice in their burritoes. Rice looks like maggots, and it tastes disgusting.
3. I hate when people mess with their body around me. Picking at skin, biting their nails, etc. It makes me throw up in my mouth just a little. If that piece of skin you are messing with comes off...what are you going to do with it? Put it on the floor? Hang onto it for awhile? GROSS.
4. I hate my landlords. They don't care if I freeze to death b/c our windows have no insulation, they don't care if I get food poisoning b/c our refrigerator doesn't keep things cold, they don't care if I die b/c there is mold in my heating vents...they suck. Plus also they are snotty towards you whenever you go into their office.
5. I hate credit card debt.
6. I hate KU students who can't drive and almost run me over all the time.
7. I hate when squatters on Mass Street ask me for my leftovers and, when I don't give them to them, call me the B word. I hate it b/c they aren't even real homeless people...they are just squatters. And they have too many body piercings, and they don't take good care of their dogs.
8. I hate when my roommate doesn't clean up after herself.
9. I hate when Adam comes to my house and wallows on me and cries until the late hours of night.
10. I hate when people are skinnier than me.

Anonymous said...

i'm going to have to rebut on some of your hate...

i dont consider myself knowledgeable with country music, nor do i consider myself a country music fan. in fact i would almost agree with you on #4, but you may need to expand your horizons just a bit. check out pat green, or cross canadian ragweed. get back to me after you listen to their albums.

next on the list is #7. there is an applebees about half a mile from here that i frequent regularly. sunday-thursday they offer $1 draft beers, (ok so it's only 10 oz mugs instead of 12) as well as half off on appetizers. its hard to beat that, and i dont see chili's trying to. plus the hostesses and many waitresses are hotties. (i dont consider myself a dirty old man just yet since i'm only 22 and they're all 16+)

#8 as well. maybe you should find a different church potluck??? then again our church potlucks aren't as good as they used to be. it seems to me that i see too much KFC and the like instead of homemade dishes.

Anonymous said...

I have to disagree with #7 on your list.

I just ate at Applebee's over the weekend with my mother and grandmother.

Just so you know, we had awesome service. My mom gave the server a four-dollar tip. She never gives that much, ever, so something right must've happened.

markerfactory said...

1. Liberals are morons
2. Rap sucks
3. Gays are wrong
4. Country should stay in the country
5. I get a little TOed too
6. Don't watch them
7. Applebees isn't too bad, but the service is usually lousy
8. Potlucks are lucky
9. Lindsay Lohan is FINE
10. Sucks

Anonymous said...

I'm going to have to disagree with you on Anime. Sure, the genre is predominantly dominated by crap like Pokemon and the like on American television, but there are some exceptionally good ones out there like Full Metal Alchemist, Trigun, and Naruto, that actually have compelling storylines, good voice acting, gripping plot, and are worthy animation constructs.

Most people only see anime on Cartoon Network, after it's been edited to hell and some of the best parts turned to cut on their editing room floor. Yeah, it tends to suck after that.